


The Real Monsters

by MaliceManaged



Series: We're All Mad Here [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: And I Do Mean Issues, But He Totally Is, But he's trying, Close Friendship, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Family Issues, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Torture, In Their Own Weird Way, Loki - Freeform, Loki Doesn't Want To Admit He's In Love, Mild Sexual Content, OFC - Freeform, OFC Is A Little Crazy, Past Child Abuse, This Is Bound To Get Bloody, Thor Sucks At Big Brother-ing, Tony's Surprisingly Good Advice, but she means well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 00:38:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4543515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaliceManaged/pseuds/MaliceManaged
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Loki was informed he would be banished to Midgard and forced to work with the Avengers until further notice, he figured his life couldn't get much worse. That is, until he met the Avenger called Nightshade, and found in her an unexpected friendship that slowly (and reluctantly) turned into love. Of course, life with Earth's Mightiest Heroes is never simple, and when Alice's past comes knocking, it brings into question just how much he actually knows her...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first (and so far only) linear series. I don't know how long this is gonna be, or when I'll be updating it, as I'm not very good at focusing on more than one-shots or short stories. I'll try to keep at it regularly, but ADHD and long stories are not a very good combination, so I really can't make any promises.

    It began simply enough. Just a routine mission; capture some person or another that had information S.H.I.E.L.D. needed. Loki hadn’t really been paying attention to the briefing. He’d been too busy observing the object of his interest for the past year: the Avenger by the name of Alice Stranton, codenamed ‘Nightshade’. The pale, shapely young woman had caught his eye from the moment he first arrived to headquarters with Thor to work alongside the Avengers (for reasons he refused to acknowledge, much less talk about), and he’d quickly made it his goal to work his way into her acquaintance. That had proved to be very easy, seeing as when they were introduced the girl had smiled at him and actually hugged him as though they were the best of friends, much to his bemusement. The rest of the room had had a good laugh at his expense over the expression on his face that he’d failed to hide in time. Time in her presence had only served to deepen Loki’s puzzlement over the black-haired, violet-eyed woman; while she seemed genuinely affectionate towards him and the rest of the team, on the field she was downright ruthless to anyone standing in her way on a level that slightly disturbed him.

 

    As the months passed, he’d gotten mostly used to her ways, even going so far as to call her a friend. They worked well together, too; her skill with the arsenal of blades she used along with his own fighting skills and magick had proven to be a very effective combination, and their strategies of attack blended so seamlessly together one would think they were reading each other’s thoughts. Lately, though, things had been changing, at least in his mind, and he couldn’t quite figure out why.

 

    Or rather, deep down he had a pretty good idea of what it was; he just didn’t want to admit it.

 

    In any case, Agent Romanoff and the Captain were sent to retrieve the person of interest, which they accomplished easily enough, and, after whoever had been sent in to interrogate the man failed at their job, Fury sent him and Alice in instead. Loki had decided to play it nice (well, sort of) at first, but the man had been uncooperative so far, and so he decided on a different approach.

 

    Loki barely had time to open his mouth to speak before Alice moved forward, fist swinging out to connect harshly with the prisoner’s jaw. He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest and eyeing her in annoyance as she turned to face him.

 

    “What?” She asked innocently with a slight shrug, “Your way wasn’t working.”

 

    “You think that’s gonna get me to talk? Playing ‘Good Cop, Bad Cop’?” The prisoner huffed, causing them to turn back to him. Loki raised an eyebrow in mild amusement and Alice’s lips turned up in a slightly unnerving grin.

 

    “Ohh, sugar...” She began sweetly, leaning forward slightly, before her smile dropped and she turned serious, “I’m not playing.”

 

    “That’s more my territory,” Loki added with a wolfish grin, “And believe me, my games are anything but good.”

 

    “You know, I don’t think he really _needs_ all of his fingers to talk; do you?” Alice spoke casually as she straightened back up and looked at Loki, pulling out a very sharp-looking dagger from its scabbard on her belt, twirling it easily in her hand.

 

    “Technically, no,” Loki replied just as casually, “But you’d have to cauterize the wound after; wouldn’t do for him to bleed to death before we get what we need.”

 

    “Hey, I just play with knives; you’re the one with the magick,” Alice laughed, poking his shoulder playfully.

 

    “Oh, very well, if I must,” Loki replied with an exaggerated sigh, then conjured up a ball of flame in one hand and gestured for her to go on.

 

    Alice walked over and grabbed one of the prisoner’s hands, holding it flat on the table, and was drawing the dagger over to one of his fingers when the man finally broke. “Alright, alright, alright! I’ll talk! I’ll talk! Jesus Christ, I’ll talk!!” He cried desperately, fear turning the pitch of his voice up a few octaves.

 

    “Ah, too late!” Alice chirped and continued moving.

 

    The blade was inches away from its destination when the door burst open and Fury stormed in looking none-too-pleased. “Stranton, stand down,” He scolded, as though speaking to a child.

 

    “Aw,” Alice whined with a pout as she straightened back up and put the dagger away, “You never let me have any fun.”

 

    “Out,” Fury ordered with a sharp jerk of his head towards the door.

 

    Alice huffed then sauntered out of the room, but not before turning back to the prisoner at the door and waving goodbye at him with a flirty smile and a wink.

 

    “The hell kind of freak you employ around here?” The prisoner cried out, voice cracking, as Loki followed after Alice shaking his head at her antics and chuckling.

 

    “Let’s get one thing clear: You stop talking, or lie to me, and I call her back in. Understand?” Fury asked, and the prisoner eagerly nodded his understanding, “Good.”

 

****

 

    The evening found all the Avengers lounging around, unwinding. Natasha was sitting at a table talking to Wanda and Vision, Tony was at the bar with Rhodey and Clint, Loki was sprawled out on a chair with a book in his hands that he was more-or-less paying attention to, and Sam, Steve, Thor and Alice were sitting on the couches chatting about nothing in particular, Alice curled up practically in Thor’s lap happily playing with his hair. Eventually, the conversation turned towards the interrogation from that afternoon, causing the rest of the room to gradually cease their respective activities and turn their attention to the couches.

 

    “There’s just one thing I really gotta know,” Sam asked, looking at Alice.

 

    “Just one?” Alice joked, to which the rest of them chuckled, before nodding to him, “And what’s that?”

 

    “Were you really going to...?” Sam began then trailed off.

 

    “To what, cut his fingers off?” Alice asked, receiving a nod in reply. “Yup! Among other things,” She replied brightly with a smile.

 

    “Seriously, just like that?” Sam asked.

 

    Alice looked at him with a sympathetic sort of expression, ceased playing with Thor’s hair and leaned forward, resting her hands on her lap. “Sam, I may be fighting on the side of the ‘heroes’...” She began with a smile, tilting her head to the side slightly, “But I am not a good person.”

 

    “A lot of us have done... questionable things. I mean, look at Nat, and _Loki,_ ” Sam said, gesturing to each person respectively.

 

    “True; they’re both very dangerous people in their own right,” Alice agreed, eyeing her comrades before turning back to Sam. “But I’m a monster,” She added calmly.

 

    “I don’t buy that,” Sam insisted, “You care about the team. The people we save.”

 

    “Well, you’re half right, the team does mean the world to me,” Alice said with a slight laugh then shrugged, “Even monsters have someone they care about. But while there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you guys, I could just as easily decide to kill you all one day.”

 

    “Hey, as long as you do it with love...” Clint chimed in, earning a laugh from everyone in the room, save for Sam and Loki, the latter of which was staring at Alice thoughtfully.

 

    “Always, Hawkdude; always,” Alice replied cheerfully.

 

****

 

    Sometime after 3am, Alice and Loki sat on the roof of the building, staring up at the stars. Loki had been amusing his friend with stories of past exploits until gradually they’d slipped into a comfortable silence.

 

    “Do you truly think yourself a monster?” Loki asked after a while.

 

    “I don’t think, sweetie; I know,” Alice replied, then stretched her arms over her head with a slight pleased moan and leaned back until she was lying on the floor.

 

    Loki looked down at her, scrutinizing her features as if to gauge whether she was serious or not. “... You really believe that,” He concluded in slight disbelief, then shifted so that he was facing her fully, “Why? What could possibly have led you to that?”

 

    Alice looked up at him for a moment, then turned onto her side and grabbed one of Loki’s hands, bringing it up to her face and pressing a light kiss to his palm. “That, my friend, is not a three-in-the-morning conversation,” She said, before releasing his hand and turning onto her back, turning her attention to the sky again, “Ask me again after breakfast.”

 

    Loki stared at his palm for a while, then shook his head sharply and moved to lie down next to Alice, turning his face to the sky but staring at her out of the corner of his eye every so often.

 

****

 

    After breakfast, Loki had every intention of questioning Alice again, and so he hunted her down, finding her lying on her back in the middle of a hallway with her legs propped up against the wall chatting away with Steve, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor opposite her leaning against the wall.

 

    “Alice, have you a moment?” Loki asked as he reached her.

 

    “I don’t know; do I?” Alice asked, turning to Steve, who shrugged.

 

    “Sure. I have things to do anyway,” He replied, standing up and walking away.

 

    “I guess I do, then,” Alice said and curled up her legs, using them to push herself across the floor away from the wall. She then turned to Loki and reached her arms up at him, to which he rolled his eyes before reaching down and helping her up. “So what’s up? Our earlier conversation, I presume?” She asked once back on her feet.

 

    “No; I just wanted to ask if you know whether Rogers is dating anyone before I work up the nerve to ask him out to dinner,” Loki replied sarcastically.

 

    “Oh, no you don’t; that ass is mine!” Alice retorted, managing to stifle most of her laughter.

 

    “Well then you’d better make your move fast, because I play for keeps,” Loki countered, having more success in keeping a straight face.

 

    “Okay, how ’bout this: we share?” Alice suggested, managing to regain a bit of her composure.

 

    Loki feigned consideration of the idea and was about to reply, when another voice cut in.

 

    “I hate to burst your bubble, but I’m pretty sure our Captain is a one person type of guy,” Fury said rather amusedly as he walked into the hall, Maria trailing a bit behind him wearing an expression that suggested she _really_ wanted to laugh, before stopping in front of them and turning to Alice seriously. “We have a situation,” He informed her, “About an hour ago, a woman came into the office with enough weaponry on her to take out a few SWAT teams, and yet put up absolutely no resistance when we moved to detain her.”

 

    “And this involves me, how...?” Alice asked slowly.

 

    “She’s claiming to be your mother,” Fury replied, and Alice’s world seemed to come to an abrupt halt.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which talks happen. And boobs.

    Alice stared blankly at Fury for a good twenty seconds as her mind tried to process what he’d just told her.

 

    “Come again?” She asked when she finally found her voice again.

 

    “She said she was your mother,” Fury repeated.

 

    “She’s lying,” Alice replied.

 

    “She asked for you. By name,” Fury explained, to which she scoffed. “Your _real_ name,” He added meaningfully.

 

    At that, Alice’s eyes widened and she tensed completely. “... That’s not possible,” She said, voice wavering slightly.

 

    “Neither was he,” Fury said, nodding to Loki, who was watching Alice’s reactions with growing concern, “Maybe she’s lying, but we can at least assume she knew your mom. Either way, she says she’ll only talk to you, so I’m bringing you in.”

 

    “Yeah, alright,” Alice replied then she followed him as he turned and started walking. Loki almost immediately walked after them, and Maria raised an eyebrow at him curiously, but said nothing as she followed.

 

****

 

    “You gonna ask, or just stare at my boobs the whole flight?” Alice spoke up after a while of silence as they flew to their destination.

 

    “I’m debating which is more interesting,” Loki replied smoothly from his seat across from her.

 

    “I would go with boobs,” Alice mock-whispered, leaning forward a bit to emphasize her point.

 

 

    Loki huffed a laugh as he... admired the view, then looked back up at her face, his expression both serious and curious. “Why is it impossible for this woman to be your mother?” He asked, “Or for that matter, to know your name, which apparently I don’t?”

 

    Alice glanced away with a sigh, sinking into her seat, her expression vacant. For a while, Loki thought she wasn’t going to answer, but then she spoke up. “Because my mother’s dead,” Alice said softly, still looking away, “And that answers both questions.”

 

    “Does it?” Loki asked. “I’m sorry,” He added sympathetically.

 

    At that, Alice did look back at him, her expression void of any emotion. “I’m not,” She said evenly.

 

****

 

    Alice stood in front of the door that would lead her to the woman who claimed to be her mother, hesitating to open it, though she didn’t really know why. She knew this woman couldn’t be her mother; and knowing that she knew the name Alice was given at birth, the next logical thing to do was to figure out how she found out and how many more people knew it.

 

    So why was she standing there staring at the door?

 

    After another few moments, Alice shook her head and collected herself, then opened the door and walked into the room. There sitting at a table in the middle of the room was an attractive, middle-aged woman with fairly pale skin, short black hair and eyes of a blue so light they almost looked white. The woman turned her attention to the door as Alice walked in, and then stood quickly.

 

    “Alessa!” She called brightly, a wide smile on her face, causing Alice to stop abruptly and look at her in shock.

 

    “How the hell do you know that name?” Alice demanded, hands instinctively reaching for the daggers at her sides.

 

    “I gave it to you, of course,” The woman replied with a slight laugh.

 

    “Who are you?” Alice asked shortly.

 

    “Your mother,” The woman replied simply.

 

    “My mother’s dead,” Alice began stonily, “I ripped her throat out myself. So who the hell are you?”

 

    “Your _real_ mother,” The woman replied.

 

    “Who else knows the name?” Alice asked, realizing the woman wasn’t budging on her story.

 

    “Only me, and anyone you’ve told,” She replied, still smiling, “I’ve made sure of that.”

 

    “How thoughtful,” Alice said sarcastically.

 

    “I know you don’t believe me. Considering what that bitch did to you, I don’t blame you.” The woman said, tone turning bitter at the mention of Alice’s mother then softening again, “But I am your mother, and I can prove it.”

 

    Alice looked at her skeptically, crossing her arms under her breasts, and mulled over her words. The woman evidently knew something of what her mother had done, and that made her even more suspicious, but at the same time she was very curious.

 

    “How?” Alice asked at length, and the woman’s expression brightened slightly.

 

    “Our blood,” She replied eagerly, taking a step forward which Alice countered by calmly taking a step back, “It’s special. I never did find out what yours does, but mine is... well, it’s like acid.”

 

    As she finished speaking, she raised a hand to her lips and bit down on her palm harshly; she then let it hover over the table and squeezed a few drops of blood out. As they made contact, the surface of the table sizzled and smoked.

 

    “Huh. Neat,” Alice commented, “But that doesn’t necessarily prove you’re my mother.”

 

    “But it does raise the question of whether we’re related, doesn’t it?” The woman countered, and Alice nodded after a moment of thought, “And that’s a start.”

 

    “What’s your name?” Alice asked, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

 

    “It’s Marlene,” The woman replied, curling her fingers into her palm to stem the blood slowly trickling out.

 

    “Marlene,” Alice repeated slowly then relaxed her stance. “You get one chance. And if I decide I don’t like you, I’ll skin you alive,” She added conversationally.

 

    “Fair enough,” Marlene replied with a smile, “I’ll try not to disappoint.”

 

    Alice nodded once, then walked to leave the room, pausing as she opened the door and looking back to her ‘mother’. “Don’t ever call me Alessa again,” She said seriously, though not angry, “It’s Alice.”

 

    “Alright, then. Alice,” Marlene replied then Alice nodded once more and left the room.

 

****

 

    As soon as Alice left Marlene; she went straight to the room they’d been monitoring the conversation from, grabbed hold of Loki’s wrist and pulled him to sit in the nearest chair, where she proceeded to curl up on his lap and started running her fingers through his hair to calm herself. At this point, she’d done such things so often that Loki simply went with it, and chose instead to eye Marlene, who had sat down again, through the cameras installed in the room.

 

    “That’s rather a dangerous quality for blood to have,” He commented, outwardly seeming uninterested, though Fury eyed him suspiciously before turning his attention back to the monitors.

 

    “We need to move her to a safer room,” Fury commented to Maria, who nodded and left the room to make the arrangements.

 

    “She’s not going to attack anyone,” Alice spoke up, “At least not yet.”

 

    “She wants something,” Loki concluded, to which Alice nodded.

 

    “That supposed to be reassuring?” Fury asked sarcastically and Alice giggled.

 

    “I imagine it is to anybody who doesn’t work tomorrow,” Loki replied with a grin, making Alice laugh harder.

 

    “Well, it’s funny you should mention that, because that excludes both of you,” Fury retorted.

 

    “Ah, dammit, Loki; see what you did?” Alice groaned, bopping Loki’s forehead with the heel of her palm. Loki scoffed and proceeded to shove her off his lap and onto the floor. Alice then sat up and glared at him, to which he merely smirked.

 

    “So, what’s your read on her?” Fury asked Alice, rolling his eye at the two so-called ‘adult’s’ behaviour.

 

    “Well, we’re definitely related,” Alice replied as she turned to look at Fury, “The blood thing is pretty family-specific as far as I know. And you can’t ignore the physical resemblance.”

 

    “Warning aside; do you trust her?” Fury asked, turning his attention back to the screens again.

 

    “I don’t trust anybody I don’t know,” Alice replied with a laugh, “Especially someone claiming to be my mother.”

 

    “Can you handle talking to her again?” Fury asked, looking back at her with a hint of concern, “You seemed pretty rattled.”

 

    “...Not today,” Alice admitted reluctantly.

 

    “Come back when you can,” Fury said, effectively dismissing her.

 

****

 

    “Again with the staring? I know they’re pretty, but come on,” Alice joked on the flight back ‘home’.

 

    “What can I say?” Loki replied with a shrug, “I cannot help my weaknesses.”

 

    “Eh, can’t say I blame you,” Alice conceded.

 

    “Are you going to make me ask?” Loki asked, becoming serious again.

 

    “Not here,” Alice replied, “Not today.”

 

    “You are beginning to owe me quite a debt in answers,” Loki remarked lightly.

 

    “I’ll get to it, Frosty; don’t rush me,” Alice retorted childishly.

 

    “Oh, don’t you start with that as well,” Loki groaned in annoyance at the nickname, burying his face in his hands. Alice merely laughed and went on to poke fun at him for the rest of the flight, her previous tension completely forgotten.

 

****

 

    The good mood did not last through the night, as Alice found herself starting awake from memory-filled nightmares. She lay there in her bed staring up at the ceiling, which displayed a hologram of a star-filled sky, just thinking; about her past, her mother, and finally about Marlene. She wondered just what their connection was.

 

    After half an hour, Alice huffed in annoyance, threw the covers aside, stood and left her room. She needed company. And she knew exactly who to go to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki finally gets a few answers, if vague ones, and Alice receives advise from an unlikely source about dealing with her alleged long-lost mother.

    Loki awoke slowly, for no real reason other than the fact that his instincts told him his room was no longer empty, which a glance of his sleep-blurred vision to the side confirmed. Waking up to find Alice in one’s room was no rare occurrence for any of them, especially for Loki, so all he did was turn over and go back to sleep, figuring that if she hadn’t woken him whatever brought her there wasn’t that urgent.

 

    About an hour later, Loki woke again to find Alice lying on her side next to him, playing with the fingers of one of his hands that had at some point ended up next to his head on the pillow. He looked at her questioningly, and she smiled slightly.

 

    “You know, you mumble in your sleep sometimes,” Alice said softly.

 

    “Is that so?” Loki asked sleepily, “And what do I say?”

 

    “How should I know? I don’t speak Old Norse,” Alice replied with a shrug, to which Loki breathed out a laugh.

 

    “Pity,” He said then looked at her more closely. “You’ve had a nightmare,” He more stated than asked.

 

    “Hmm. Guess I was more stressed that I thought,” Alice said, staring at their hands.

 

    “Will I get an answer, or is that not a... whatever-hour-it-is conversation?” Loki asked distractedly as he turned over onto his back.

 

    “... My mother was not a good person,” Alice began after some hesitation, “I didn’t always know that.”

 

    “Hm. I know the feeling. Though I suspect not as badly as you,” Loki said as he sat up, stretched, and moved to lean against the headboard, “Tell me.”

 

    Alice looked up at him for a while, then moved closer and curled up, laying her head on his lap. “She taught me to resist and ignore pain. Made it so I could lose a few fingers and not even flinch,” She explained, idly playing with the fabric of Loki’s pants, “And there’s really only so many ways you can do that.”

 

    “But there was respite,” Loki reasoned, remembering her earlier words.

 

    “Oh, yeah; I was very well rewarded for surviving the day’s session,” Alice replied with a small, wistful smile, “I’d get to curl up on her lap and she’d tell me stories. Sometimes there’d be cake!”

 

    “That explains the obsession...” Loki muttered and she laughed.

 

    “Yep! There’s no problem cake can’t solve,” Alice said cheerfully, then turned serious again, “Of course, then I grew up. Suddenly, the stories stopped. No more cake. No more hugs. Nothing but pain and training. That’s when I knew.”

 

    “And you killed her,” Loki commented.

 

    “Eventually. On my eighteenth birthday,” Alice replied, “She came home that day from... wherever it was she went when she left me, and I walked up to her and carved her throat open. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so surprised.”

 

    “Serves her right,” Loki said, “She should have known there’s only so far you can push someone.”

 

    Alice shook her head then sat up, facing him. “You don’t get it. I didn’t kill her for revenge. I didn’t kill her because I thought it was right, or that she deserved it,” She explained, “I killed her because I just didn’t need her anymore. That’s what I am. That’s what she made.”

 

    “... I see,” Loki said at length, “So, say you decide that you don’t need _me_ anymore...?”

 

    “Now you’re getting it,” Alice replied with a sad smile.

 

    “Then I suppose I’d better make sure you can’t live without me,” Loki joked.

 

    “That would be the prudent course of action, yes,” Alice agreed, laughing.

 

    “Why the name change?” Loki asked after their laughter subsided, “I can understand discretion, but I have a feeling that is not the reason.”

 

    “No, it wasn’t,” Alice replied, moving to sit next to him and leaning her head on his shoulder, “Alessa was my mother’s creation. After I killed her, it just didn’t fit anymore. I wasn’t her daughter, her experiment, her weapon, or whatever the hell I was. I just... was.”

 

    “But why ‘Alice’?” Loki asked, absently taking one of her hands in his and entwining their fingers.

 

    “Because Alice got to escape,” Alice explained, “Wonderland or her own world; she got out.”

 

****

 

    “So what’s this I hear about a relative of yours popping up?” Tony asked as Alice walked into the lab after breakfast, “Since when do you have relatives? I thought Fury picked you out of a cabbage patch.”

 

    “Really? Cabbage? He told me it was pumpkins,” Alice said incredulously. “My life is a lie!” She cried out dramatically.

 

    “Told you not to trust the eyepatch. I warned you. But did anyone listen? Of course not,” Tony went off, waving the tool in his hands in her general direction. “So what’s the deal with the sudden family reunion?” He added a bit more seriously.

 

    “She’s not family,” Alice quickly corrected, “I don’t know if she’s an enemy, but she’s not family. My family’s right here.”

 

    “I’m flattered, but taken,” Tony joked with a wink and Alice rolled her eyes at him.

 

    “Oh, please; everyone knows Pepper’s only with you ’cause she’s too scared to admit she’s madly in love with me,” Alice fired back, to which Tony chuckled.

 

    “Alright, as much as I love this, quit dodging the question,” He said, putting his tool down and turning to face her fully, leaning against the table, “Now what’s the deal with your alleged new mommy?”

 

    Alice sighed, then walked over to a somewhat empty table and jumped up to sit on the edge. “I don’t know what she is,” She said, running a hand through her hair, “But she’s not my mother, I don’t care what she says.”

 

    “Ok, so she’s not your mother,” Tony conceded, “So why is she affecting you?”

 

    “I don’t know,” Alice replied with a sigh, “She just feels... familiar?”

 

    “So you know her, then,” Tony reasoned, walking over to lean against the spot on the table next to her.

 

    “Maybe? Probably. I have no idea,” Alice said, her tone reflecting her growing exasperation.

 

    “Well, you’re not gonna figure it out from here,” Tony said, nudging her with his shoulder.

 

    “I knoww!” Alice groaned, throwing her hands up in frustration, “I just... I don’t even... ugh!”

 

    “Use your words, Alley-cat,” Tony teased.

 

    “Oh, bite me,” Alice retorted with barely-suppressed giggles.

 

    “Oh, so that’s what you’re into, huh? Kinky,” Tony joked, causing Alice to lose her battle against laughter. “Seriously, though; what are you so afraid of?”

 

    “Man, I don’t even know,” Alice replied with a sigh, “I guess... My past is my past, and it’s clear. It’s more than clear. I guess I just don’t want that to change.”

 

    “Makes sense. Most people wouldn’t want to find out the shit they’ve gone through wasn’t as clear as they thought,” Tony said, before leaning forward and locking their gazes, “But you and I both know avoiding or ignoring the problem isn’t gonna make it go away.”

 

    Alice stared at him for a while, then let out a huff and jumped down from the table. “When the hell’d you turn into the sensible one?” She remarked with a pout.

 

    “I have my moments,” Tony replied with a shrug, before shooing her with his hands, “Now go. Do the thing.”

 

    “Alright, alright, I’ll do the thing!” Alice cried out in between laughter as he started playfully shoving her towards the door and out of the lab.

 

****

 

    Alice once again stood outside the door that lead to the stranger who called herself her mother, hesitating. She knew she was being silly; after all, nothing that Marlene said could change her past experiences. The torture, the comfort and the training her mother put her through would still be there. The blood on her hands wasn’t going to go away, nor would she care any more or less about it than she did now.

 

    “Alright, stop being a bitch,” Alice chastised herself softly, then straightened her posture and walked into the room.

 

    “I was wondering how much I would have to wait to see you again,” Marlene said as she sat up in the cot on one corner of the room.

 

    “Figured you’d have to wait longer?” Alice asked, leaning against the wall just beside the door.

 

    “I’ve waited twenty years; a few days wouldn’t kill me,” Marlene replied with a half-smile, “But, yes, after how our re-introduction yesterday went, I thought you might need more time.”

 

    “I got advice from a friend to the contrary,” Alice explained and Marlene hummed in understanding.

 

    “So. You must be wondering why I affect you the way that I do,” Marlene inquired.

 

    “I’m not easily fazed by others,” Alice replied, “I was raised not to be, but you manage it and I don’t know you.”

 

    “Come now, Ale-.. _Alice_ , we both know that’s not true,” Marlene said, leaning forward slightly.

 

    “You’re not my mother,” Alice said firmly, “Whatever you are, you’re not my mother.”

 

    “I know I can’t replace the one who raised you, and I’m not trying to,” Marlene said, voice close to pleading, “But please don’t turn me away. I lost you once because I was weak, don’t... don’t shut me out now.”

 

    “I won’t. Not yet,” Alice assured, “I said I would give you a chance and I meant it. But I already had a mother, and she turned me into a monster. I don’t need another.”

 

    “I understand,” Marlene said, relaxing a bit, “I promise, I won’t push. I’ll take whatever you want to give me, at your own pace.”

 

    “Much appreciated,” Alice said with a nod.

 

    “There’s just one thing I need to know now, if you don’t mind,” Marlene said.

 

    “Shoot,” Alice encouraged.

 

    “What _does_ your blood do?” Marlene asked eagerly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I have literally never written Tony before, so if he seems off, that would be why.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mother knows best. Or so she hopes.

    Four months later, Alice and Marlene’s relationship had progressed to that of close, sibling-like friends, much like Alice had with the Avengers. It was by now pretty clear that Marlene was more than that, but Alice simply refused to acknowledge it, which Marlene respected given circumstances; she was just happy to be part of Alice’s life.

 

    Things between Alice and Loki, however, were not going so smoothly. Lately it seemed that whenever they weren’t working, Loki mostly avoided her, and she had no idea why. At first, she figured he’d tell her if he was upset with her or something, so she didn’t pay it much mind and just spent her time with others. But as time passed, she started to miss their time together, and decided to confront him about it. ‘Confront’ meaning she just walked into his room one night and pounced on him in bed, startling him awake and ending up on the floor from the burst of magick he unleashed on instinct.

 

    “Alice, what. In _Hel._ Is _wrong_ with you?” Loki seethed after getting his bearings.

 

    “Why are you avoiding me?” Alice asked, completely unfazed.

 

    “I...What?” Loki asked, sitting up fully and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

 

    “You’ve been avoiding me for weeks,” Alice said, crossing her arms under her breasts, “Why?”

 

    For a moment, Loki merely blinked at her, then raised an eyebrow. “And you wait until...” He began, glanced at the clock on his bedside table, and then back at her, “Two in the morning to ask me that...?”

 

    “I was awake,” Alice replied with a shrug, causing Loki to close his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose between two fingers with a deep sigh.

 

    “I’m not avoiding you,” Loki said, earning a very sceptical look from Alice. “At least not... _entirely_ on purpose,” He admitted reluctantly.

 

    “But clearly enough,” Alice said, then stood up from the floor and sat in front of him on the bed, “What’d I do?”

 

    “Nothing. Everything,” Loki replied then buried his face in his hands with another sigh, “I haven’t the faintest idea.”

 

    “O...kay then...” Alice said, thoroughly confused, “Well... figure it out. I miss you.”

 

    At that, Loki looked back up at her with a look in his eyes she couldn’t quite read before settling back to a mild amusement. “Have you any idea how incredibly odd that is to hear for me?” He asked with a faint smile.

 

    “I’m guessing about as weird as it would be for me,” Alice replied, returning the smile with a wider one of her own, then spread her arms wide, “Do I get a hug now?”

 

    Loki chuckled, shaking his head, then nodded with mock-reluctance. Alice wasted no time in launching herself at him, knocking him back, and nearly knocking his head on the headboard in the process.

 

    “If you need space, I get it,” Alice said after a while, “But next time just tell me; I’ve been going crazy trying to figure out what I did to screw us up.”

 

    “I’m sorry,” Loki offered quietly.

 

    “Damn right you are,” Alice muttered, then proceeded to slowly fall asleep, followed by an amused Loki.

 

****

 

    “I’ve been wondering how long it would take you to come to me,” Marlene said as she opened the door to her apartment to let Loki in.

 

    “You seem to have a knack for expecting people,” Loki commented as he walked past her and into the room.

 

    “I knew Alice would come because I asked for her,” She replied as she closed the door and walked into the living room, motioning to the couch for him to sit and sitting down on a seat opposite, “And I know you’ve been digging around about her past; makes sense you’d find your way to me eventually.”

 

    “A decision not made lightly, I can assure you,” Loki admitted.

 

    Marlene hummed, then crossed her arms at her chest and leaned back into her seat. “Well, I can tell you this: You’ve wasted your time; I have nothing to say to you,” She said.

 

    Loki felt a burst of annoyance at that, though outwardly he remained calm and impassive. “I do not seek to harm her, if that is your worry,” He tried, but Marlene did not seem to be moved.

 

    “I’m not worried you’ll hurt her,” She replied, “I’m not sure if anyone can anymore.”

 

    “Then why deny me?” Loki asked, his mood in equal parts curiosity and irritation, though the latter was well concealed.

 

    “Because she didn’t tell you herself, and I won’t be the one to betray her,” Marlene replied, getting up and walking to the door, opening it. “And now you need to leave,” She added firmly.

 

    Loki, however, remained seated and showed no inclination to move. “Haven’t you already betrayed her, though?” He accused, his voice taking on a colder tone, “Abandoning her to that woman she called ‘mother’? The very same one who tortured her and made her into the weapon she is today?”

 

    “How _dare_ you!” Marlene replied, eyes livid, before advancing towards him, fists clenched, “I didn’t give her up by choice; you have _no idea_ what happened!”

 

    “Then enlighten me,” Loki said simply, seeming completely unperturbed by her anger.

 

    “... Get out.” Marlene repeated lowly, “I won’t warn you again.”

 

    At that, Loki arched an eyebrow, whether in amusement or disbelief, she couldn’t tell. “Do you truly believe you can threaten me, mortal?” He all but spat, standing up and glaring down at her, “I will have the answers I seek, whether you give them willingly or not.”

 

    In response, Marlene barked a laugh. “You think _you_ can scare _me?_ You don’t have what it takes,” She sneered back at him.

 

    In a flash, Loki’s hand found its way to Marlene’s throat, where he applied just enough pressure to make breathing a struggle. “You can’t even imagine what I could put you through,” He warned in dead seriousness.

 

    “And how... would Alice... react to that?” Marlene managed, ’causing Loki’s grip to slacken, and she let out a breathless laugh, “Thought so.”

 

    Loki reluctantly released her and stepped back. “All I want is a chance to understand her,” He tried again, “Is that so unfair?”

 

    “You understand her well enough to care about her,” Marlene replied, rubbing her neck lightly, “That’s more than most get.”

 

    “And if it is not enough?” Loki asked, his tone taking on a slight edge again.

 

    Marlene stared at him in puzzlement for a while then her eyes widened. “You’re in love with her,” She concluded.

 

    Loki looked slightly startled at that for a moment, before forcing his expression back to neutrality. “She is my friend,” He said, sounding less convincing than he intended.

 

    “Of course she is; you’re still alive,” Marlene replied humorously, placing her hands on her hips, “And she has no idea.” Loki hesitated for a moment then looked down with a resigned sigh and shook his head in response. “Not surprising; I don’t think she really knows what love is,” She said, her amusement giving way to sadness, “At least not the kind you feel.”

 

    “You don’t think her capable of returning it,” Loki concluded, looking back up at her, his eyes showing only a fraction of the turmoil raging inside him.

 

    “I really wouldn’t expect it,” Marlene replied, eyeing him sympathetically, “But my girl is full of surprises; I wouldn’t give up all hope just yet.”

 

   “Easy to say when you have what you want,” Loki scoffed.

 

    “But I don’t,” Marlene retorted sharply, “And I never will.”

 

    “She loves you,” Loki reasoned.

 

    “Yes, she does; as much as she loves you and everyone else she’s let in,” Marlene replied, “But I’m not her mother, and as long as she’s afraid of it, I never will be.”

 

    Loki nodded in understanding then looked down at the floor thoughtfully, crossing his arms at his chest. After a few moments, he looked back up at Marlene with a wry smile. “It would seem we share similar predicaments,” He said ruefully, “Even when we have gotten what we want, we’ve not.”

 

    Marlene huffed a humourless laugh. “C’est l’amour,” She replied, “It’s never easy, nor is it fair; the question is whether it’s worth it.”

 

    “It is,” Loki said resolutely.

 

    Marlene eyed him with faint surprise then broke out into a wide, knowing smile. “Wow, you’ve got it bad,” She remarked.

 

    Loki looked away in slight embarrassment, his posture slumping slightly. Marlene gazed at him thoughtfully for a while, weighting her options; on one hand it was obvious to her this man cared deeply for her daughter, but on the other hand, Alice kept her secrets for a reason. She just couldn’t bring herself to reveal what wasn’t hers to tell, not after everything she had been through to get to this point. She sighed and made her choice.

 

    “Look, I can’t tell you what you want to know; it’s not my story to tell,” She told Loki, who looked back at her and began to protest, but she raised her voice and cut him off, “But I can _try_ to talk to her, get her to open up more. As long as you do the same.”

 

    Loki thought it over for a bit then nodded. “I suppose it will have to do,” He said then walked past her and headed out the door, where Marlene called out to him as he was closing it behind him.

 

    “Good luck. And for goodness’ sake, stop sneaking around behind her back,” She scolded exasperatedly, “That’s a fine way to get yourself killed.”

 

    In response, Loki graced her with an admonished expression and an acknowledging nod, then closed the door and walked away, his mind ablaze with plans and strategies.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki gets distracted by Alice in battle and winds up in the infirmary for his trouble, where he and Thor have an unwelcome though necessary conversation. Elsewhere, Marlene helps Alice begin to have a strange sort of epiphany.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this took forever. Sorry 'bout that, I really suck at this whole linear story writing thing. I don't really expect future updates to be any more timely, I'll be honest. >_>

    “So, is there any particular reason you attacked Marlene the other day?” Alice asked as she slashed away at her opponent with a curved sword.

 

    They had received word in the early afternoon of an incident in a lab somewhere in Canada, some riskily-attempted study on parallel dimensions gone wrong that resulted in foreign - and very hostile - creatures making their way through, and were in the process of dealing with them; Loki and Nightshade paired up as usual.

 

    Loki, who had his back to her and was in the process of spearing one of the insect-like creatures with a shard of ice he’d summoned, froze for a fraction of a second. “Minor disagreement,” He replied.

 

    “A ‘minor disagreement’ that left bruises,” Alice pressed as she ducked under a wave of fire Loki sent to the enemies in front of her and began hacking away at the ones now behind him in one fluid movement.

 

    “I can’t be expected to remember how fragile humans are when I’m angry,” Loki retorted as he summoned his dagger and began fighting in close quarters.

 

    Alice scoffed as she dodged a long, serrated pincer. “You’re lucky I love you,” She quipped humorously.

 

****

 

    In hindsight, Loki wondered how he could have made such a stupid mistake, knowing fully well what Alice had meant with those words, but emotions and logic don’t always get along, and that was how he wound up in the infirmary with an eight-inch-long puncture wound through his chest from an enemy he’d failed to notice in his distraction. The only reason he hadn’t been torn to pieces by the ones that followed was because Thor had happened to be near enough to assist in time, which Loki was sure he wouldn’t be allowed to forget any time soon.

 

    It was late in the evening now, and Thor sat at Loki’s bedside attempting to speak to him, much to the latter’s dismay, given what was being said.

 

    “You really should just tell her, brother, she will find out eventually,” Thor tried for the umpteenth time.

 

    “You overestimate her level of understanding on relationships,” Loki dismissed tiredly, trying to find a comfortable position to lie on and mostly failing.

 

    “You don’t think she’ll question just why you would let yourself become _that_ distracted over something she says all the time?” Thor asked with underlying sarcasm, gesturing to the bandaged wound.

 

    Loki looked away. “She won’t question what she doesn’t know she caused,” He almost muttered in reply.

 

    “‘Doesn’t know’...” Thor repeated, before burying his face in his hand with a frustrated sigh. He looked back up at his brother, who was staring fixedly at the other wall like it was the most interesting thing in the universe. “Loki, this is getting ridiculous.”

 

    “I don’t see why you’re so interested; this is _my_ problem to manage,” Loki mumbled stubbornly, still not looking at Thor.

 

    Thor rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his seat a bit. “I’m interested because you’re my brother and she my friend, and because you aren’t, in fact, managing it at all,” Thor replied, “And you would do well to change that, before someone else does.”

 

    At that, Loki’s gaze snapped back towards his brother and he raised himself as much as his injury would allow. “If you say anything, I will murder you,” He warned through half-gritted teeth.

 

    Thor smirked slightly at the threat, glad to have finally gotten a reaction. “I won’t say a word, but I am not the only one who has noticed,” He replied.

 

    Loki slumped a bit. “Stark?” He dared to ask. Thor’s expression told him all he needed to know, and he closed his eyes and let himself fall back onto the mattress with a groan.

 

    “You brought this on yourself, brother; you’ve had half a year to tell her,” Thor teased, earning a glare.

 

    “We can’t all be lucky enough to find a willing receiver of our affections in three days, _brother,”_ Loki snapped, causing Thor to burst out laughing.

 

    After a moment of silence, Thor spoke up again. “Be honest with me, brother.”

 

    “You truly haven’t been paying attention at all, have you?” Loki mused, earning an unamused look to which he responded with a playful half smile.

 

    “I’m serious,” Thor scolded, not altogether successful in hiding his own amusement.

 

    “Well, now I _know_ Ragnarok is upon us,” Loki replied, causing them both to lose the tenuous battle against laughter.

 

    “Why do I even bother?” Thor asked aloud when he had more-or-less regained his breath.

 

    “Sometimes I think you just like the abuse,” Loki replied, the ghost of a laugh still in his voice. “Now what are you so curious about that you would ask the near impossible of me?” He asked a bit more seriously.

 

    Thor straightened himself in the chair. “I’m merely wondering why you are so reluctant to tell Alice how you feel. You did not take so long to approach Sigyn, and you were barely adults; surely all these centuries since would gain you more confidence.”

 

    Loki flinched minutely at the mention of his late wife then sighed. “It’s not a lack of confidence,” He responded quietly.

 

    “Then what?” Thor asked.

 

    “At first, I just didn’t want to admit it was real. Now...” Loki trailed off.

 

    “Now what? Out with it, man!” Thor snapped slightly, tiring of the other’s stalling.

 

    “Now I’ve realised I don’t know her at all!” Loki admitted frustratedly.

 

    Thor looked at him in surprise for a moment, before crossing his arms over his chest again. “I’ve known you to be a liar, brother, but not a hypocrite,” Thor scoffed, earning a questioning look, so he continued, “You refer to her past, do you not? Which I might add _none_ of us know much about. But exactly how much does _she_ know of _yours?”_

 

    “Significantly more than she’s told me of hers,” Loki replied defensively.

 

    “And you call _me_ thick-headed,” Thor remarked, “Is the fact that she has told you anything at all completely lost on you?”

 

    “No, it is not, and neither is the fact that the only reason she told me is because Marlene showed up and left her with no choice,” Loki snapped, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge the point Thor was making.

 

    “Yes, because you’re so freely forthcoming yourself,” Thor retorted sarcastically.

 

    “At least it didn’t take _her_ a year to learn my _name,_ ” Loki protested.

 

    “And it took the rest of us two,” Thor replied, leaning back in the chair and raising an eyebrow as if in challenge. Loki opened his mouth to reply, then closed it and looked away in defeat. Thor let out a sigh. “If the only trouble is what she hasn’t told you, then ask, _truly ask_ , and be prepared to offer answers of your own,” He replied.

 

    Loki was silent for a long while, mulling over Thor’s words, then he looked back at the Thunderer. “And if I do that, then what?” He asked softly, “There is no guarantee that she’ll return my feelings. No guarantee that she _can._ ”

 

    Thor placed a hand on Loki’s shoulder, surprised by the uncharacteristic vulnerability in his eyes. “I cannot answer that, brother, but I do know that you owe it to yourself to try,” He replied.

 

    Loki looked to the side a moment as if contemplating something, then looked back at Thor with a slight smirk. “Sentiment,” He remarked.

 

    Thor blinked, then rolled his eyes and gave Loki a slight shove, earning a laugh.

 

****

 

    Alice lay sprawled out on the couch, her legs up on Marlene’s lap, as they watched a movie together in the older woman’s apartment. She’d gone straight there after Thor had come into the infirmary asking to speak to Loki alone, and in the end decided to spend the night.

 

    “This is quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen,” Alice commented after a while.

 

    “Oh, my dear, you’ve seen nothing yet,” Marlene replied, patting Alice’s thigh. She waited a moment, then ventured to ask, “So, how’s Loki?”

 

    “Annoyed, probably; I left him with Thor,” Alice replied somewhat absently.

 

    “Bit odd, from what you’ve told me about him, for him to lose his focus like that, isn’t it?” Marlene asked, “Do you know what brought it on?”

 

    “Well, he won’t tell me, but I think it was my fault,” Alice replied, sounding a little guilty.

 

    “How?” Marlene asked.

 

    “Well, I was asking him about what happened between you two right before he lost it,” Alice replied.

 

    “I see,” Marlene said, “Well, I’ve gotta admit your timing could have been better, but would that really have been enough to distract him that badly?”

 

    “I don’t know, maybe he thought I was mad at him or something?” Alice replied, “Which is ridiculous, ’cause I let him know I wasn’t.”

 

    “Did you, though?” Marlene asked half-jokingly.

 

    “Well, not in those exact words. I _said,_ ‘You’re lucky I love you’; I think that’s explicit enough,” Alice replied.

 

    Marlene cringed a bit at those words, realising what had probably happened. “You have no idea,” She muttered to herself. Alice looked at her curiously, and Marlene offered a smile and directed her attention back to the TV.

 

 

    After the movie, which did in fact get much worse, was over; Marlene and Alice lay in the former’s bed talking about random things. The subject had revolved around Loki several times, but Marlene still didn’t quite know how to encourage Alice to be more open with him about her life without outright telling her so, which she really didn’t want to do. More so because she figured that after Alice killed her, she’d go after Loki next and, while she wasn’t yet sure how much she actually _liked_ the man, she didn’t want to be responsible for his early demise.

 

    In the end, after much consideration, she simply took a breath and hoped for the best.

 

    “You know, you talk about Loki an awful lot,” She began in a conspiratorial sort of tone, “More so than the others, and you’ve known them longer.”

 

    “Do I? I never noticed,” Alice replied, playing with the fingers of Marlene’s hand. She looked thoughtful for a moment. “I guess I just have more to say about him,” She said with a slight shrug.

 

    “You’re very close, aren’t you?” Marlene asked, hoping her wording was careful enough.

 

    “Yep, closer than I’ve ever been to anyone. Except maybe mother,” Alice replied, and Marlene’s eye twitched slightly at the word, “But definitely not the same way.”

 

   Marlene hummed a bit. “How then?” She asked.

 

    Alice opened her mouth to reply, then closed it, realising she didn’t actually know how to answer. She looked up at the ceiling for several minutes, deep in thought, thinking back to all the time she’d spent around Loki; all the missions they went on together, all the downtime besides, how lonely she’d been feeling when he started avoiding her. And the brief yet perplexingly intense moment of panic she went through earlier that day when she saw him get hurt. It wasn’t as though it was her first time seeing him bleed, after all. Yet somehow this was different, and she had no idea why.

 

    After giving it some more thought, finally she just huffed softly. “I have no idea,” She admitted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanna know what movie Alice and Marlene where watching, and are willing to lose 84 minutes of your life, look up 'Ghost Shark' (2013), then proceed to hate me forever. XD


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice reaches a conclusion, with a little help from her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, look at that; two chapters in two days! Woo! Now if only I could keep that up...

    Several days after the mission in Canada, Loki sat more-or-less comfortably on a couch, reading. Or least, he _would_ be, if not for the sensation of being watched distracting him from the words in front of him. After reading the same sentence for the fourth time, he looked up to find Alice curled up in the seat in front of him, staring at him fixedly, as though he were a strange object she’d never seen before.

 

    “What?” Loki asked bemusedly, frankly a little unnerved by the sheer intensity of her gaze.

 

    “I’m observing,” Alice murmured in reply, not easing up her staring in the slightest.

 

    “Well... stop.” Loki responded, shifting slightly and looking back at his book.

 

    Alice did not relent. “What are you?” She asked instead, seemingly out of nowhere.

 

    Loki looked back up at her, the picture of utter confusion. _“What?”_ He asked.

 

    “I don’t get you,” Alice said, “Mother I understand, but why you?”

 

    “Alice, what in Hel are you on about?” Loki asked, more confused by her response than her initial question.

 

    Instead of replying, Alice merely stared at him for a while longer, then stood and walked out of the room with a very concentrated expression, leaving a bewildered Loki staring after her.

 

****

 

    “How do you feel about Loki?” Alice asked Thor as soon as the elevator doors opened.

 

    Thor raised an eyebrow in question, not even bothering to wonder how she even knew he was in there. “At the moment, or in general?” He asked.

 

    “General,” Alice replied.

 

    “I care for him; he’s my brother,” Thor said, wondering where this was going.

 

    “Okay, but what does that _mean?”_ Alice asked emphatically.

 

    “Well, I love him, and he aggravates me like no one else can, but he means no less to me for it,” Thor tried to explain then curiosity got the better of him, “Why?”

 

    “Because he confuses me, and I don’t know why. It’s frustrating,” Alice replied, staring off to the side in thought. Slowly, a knowing smile spread on Thor’s face and she looked back at him with narrowed eyes. “What do you know?” She asked slowly.

 

    “I know you are asking the wrong question,” Thor replied vaguely, then stepped around her and started walking away.

 

    “What the hell does _that_ mean??” Alice asked after him, but Thor merely chuckled and continued walking, leaving Alice fuming slightly.

 

    After giving it some thought, she fished her phone out of her pocket and looked through her contacts, which consisted of all the other Avengers, Loki, Pepper, a few S.H.I.E.L.D. contacts including Fury and Hill, Clint’s home number, and Marlene’s; she dialled Clint’s home and sat down cross-legged in the middle of the elevator as the doors closed.

 

    “Laura’s busy, Allie; I hope it’s not girl talk you’re after,” Clint said in lieu of a greeting as he answered the call.

 

    “Actually, it kind of is, but I wanted Lila,” Alice replied.

 

    “Why Lila?” Clint asked, not sure if he should be worried or amused.

 

    “I have questions and Thor’s an ass,” Alice huffed.

 

    “And you’re just noticing that now?” Clint joked, “I’m not really seeing how this involves Lila, though.”

 

    “It’s about Loki,” Alice replied.

 

    “... Okay, now you really lost me. What could you possibly have to discuss about Loki with my ten-year-old daughter?” Clint asked, earning a questioning gaze from Laura who was nearby, to which he shrugged.

 

    “Well, I just... I feel weird about him lately, and I have no idea why,” Alice explained as the doors opened on a lower floor and Steve walked in, sparing her a curious glance before pressing the button to his intended floor, “I tried asking Thor about it, but he got all vague and was no help whatsoever, so I thought maybe Lila can help; she has brothers.”

 

    There was silence at the other end of the line as Clint processed what he’d just heard then he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Allie, sweetie, you’re looking in the wrong place; Lila can’t help you with that,” He replied.

 

    “Why not?” Alice asked.

 

    “Because that’s not what you’re feeling,” Clint replied.

 

    “Well, then what am I feeling??” Alice asked frustratedly.

 

    “Ask Loki. Look, I gotta go,” Clint replied, then hung up, _really_ not wanting to be the one to have _that_ conversation with her.

 

    “Oh, come on!” Alice exclaimed, glaring at her phone as the call disconnected.

 

    Steve eyed her with concerned curiosity. “Trouble?” He asked.

 

    Alice looked up to him as if noticing him for the first time. “No one’s being helpful,” She grumbled. “I ask a simple question, and all I get are vague, useless answers like I’m ‘asking the wrong question’ or ‘looking in the wrong place’ and it’s annoying!”

 

    “Well, what’s the question?” Steve asked, sitting down next to her.

 

    “It’s just, lately when I’m around Loki I get this weird feeling I’ve never felt before. Like, it’s a _good_ feeling, but it’s also not, and it’s strong, and I just don’t get it,” Alice tried to explain.

 

    Steve hummed thoughtfully. “How is it not good?” He asked.

 

    “Like, last mission, when I saw that bug’s pincer buried in his chest... I’ve never felt so terrified, and I don’t understand why. I mean, it’s not like I’ve never worried about you guys getting hurt, or even the first time I see _him_ get hurt,” Alice explained, “It felt almost like...”

 

    “Like the world was ending?” Steve finished for her.

 

    “... Yeah; that sounds about right, I guess,” Alice replied.

 

    Steve looked at her sympathetically and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Alice; that’s love,” He said.

 

    “What? No, it’s not,” Alice said, confused, “I know love; I love you and the rest of the team, and Maria, Pepper, Laura and the kids, and Marlene. I know love, and this isn’t it.”

 

    “Different kind of love,” Steve explained, “You love us, sure, but you’re not _in_ love with any of us.”

 

    Alice was silent for a few moments. “So that’s what that feels like?” She asked.

 

    “Basically,” Steve replied with a shrug, “I mean, it’s a little more involved than that, but yeah, that’s it.”

 

    “Huh... Why the hell couldn’t Thor or Clint tell me _that?”_ Alice huffed in annoyance, crossing her arms under her breasts and pouting slightly.

 

    “I think Thor just forgets you don’t really _get_ feelings very well,” Steve said with a laugh, “And Clint probably just didn’t want to be the one to explain this to you. Though, if you ask me, he missed a perfect opportunity to practice for when the kids grow up.”

 

    Alice laughed a bit then bit her bottom lip. “So... what do I do?” She asked.

 

    “I’m... probably not the best person to ask,” Steve replied with an apologetic look, scratching the back of his head.

 

    Just as Alice opened her mouth to respond, the elevator doors opened, revealing Sam standing a little away leaning against the wall, apparently waiting. “Why are you guys on the floor?” He asked.

 

    “I’m in love!” Alice declared, jumping up to her feet with her arms raised in the air, and Steve facepalmed.

 

    Sam looked between the two in surprise. “What’d I miss?” He asked.

 

    “It’s not with me,” Steve explained, standing up and exiting the elevator.

 

    “Oh. Loki?” Sam asked; Steve nodded and Sam grimaced slightly, “Wow. Hope he’s ready for _that._ ”

 

    “Hey! I’m not that bad!” Alice whined as the elevator doors started closing again, causing the two men to laugh.

 

    As the elevator started rising again, Alice stepped back and leaned against the wall; she brought her phone back up to her face and decided to send Tony a message, which was almost instantly responded to:

 

Alley-cat: _Hey, Tony-guy! I have a question._

 

Iron Douche: _Unless it involves lingerie, I don’t wanna know._

_..._

_Iron Douche? Really?_

Alley-cat: _Do not get me started, dude._

_And no, it doesn’t._

_At least, I think not..._

Iron Douche: _You’re no fun._

_Fine, what can I pretend to help you with?_

Alley-cat: _How do you tell someone you’re in love with them?_

Iron Douche: _Allie, honey; haven’t we had this conversation before?_

Alley-cat: _Not you, dumbass!!_

_I’m serioud!_

_*serious!_

_How do you do it??_

Iron Douche: _This is about Frosty, isn’t it?_

Alley-cat: _Yes._

_..._

_Wait, does everone know?_

_*everyone_

Iron Douche: _Not that hard to figure out._

_You spend all your time with him._

_You freaked out worse than Thor when he almost got killed the other day._

_Now you say you’re in love._

_Who else could it be?_

Alley-cat: _..._

_Yeah, ok._

_Makes sense._

 

Iron Douche: _’Course it does._

_I said it._

Alley-cat: _And then he wonders about the name..._

Iron Douche: _You love it._

_Admit it._

_You wouldn’t want me any other way._

Alley-cat: _Fuck off._

_Now help me._

Iron Douche: _Well, since you ask so nicely..._

_There’s no right way to do it, hon._

_You just do it._

_Besides, it’s you._

_If he can still be shocked by any of your antics, he doesn’t deserve you._

_Not that I think he does._

_Because he doesn’t._

Alley-cat: _Be nice._

Iron Douche: _He threw me out a window._

_And destroyed New York._

Alley-cat: _Ultron._

Iron Douche: _..._

_....._

_I don’t like you anymore._

Alley-cat: ♥

 

Iron Douche: _No._

_Don’t try to sweet-talk me._

_We’re done._

Alley-cat: ♥ ♥

 

Iron Douche: _Stop it._

_It’s not gonna work._

Alley-cat: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

 

Iron Douche: _..._

_Dammit._

_Get over here so I can hug you._

Alley-cat: _Omw._ ♥

****

 

    Loki hadn’t been in the bath for ten minutes, when he felt Alice walk into the room and sit down by the tub. He felt her poke his cheek lightly, so he opened his eyes and gave her a sidelong glance.

 

    “What?” He drawled out.

 

    “I love you,” Alice replied, crossing her arms over the edge of the tub and resting her chin on them.

 

    “I... am aware of that,” Loki said as casually as he could.

 

    “I’m also in love with you, survey says,” Alice added.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice and Loki try to figure things out after her unconventional confession, but how far can that go when she gets a worrying call?

    Loki was very confused.

 

    Such a thing was not a regular occurrence, but then again, it wasn’t every day that the object of your desire confessed to returning your affections while you were still trying to determine whether such a thing was even possible. At first, he doubted he’d heard correctly, then he wondered if the miscommunication was on Alice’s part; she wasn’t exactly the most socially comprehensive of individuals, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to believe her to confuse certain feelings or intentions.

 

    Finally, after a minute of staring at her in shocked disbelief, Loki found his voice. “Come again?”

 

    “Apparently, I’m in love with you,” Alice repeated.

 

    Loki looked up at the ceiling then sat up in the tub, bracing himself on the edge with one arm and faced Alice again. “And you’ve reached this conclusion how, exactly?” He asked.

 

    “It’s what everyone says,” Alice replied with a shrug.

 

    “I see,” Loki said, trying not to be too disappointed by the response. What was he expecting? This _was_ Alice, after all; the woman who loved the mother who tortured her, and shunned the one who actually cared. Clearly, she had issues. He took a breath. “And you assume them to be correct?” He asked.

 

    “Steve seemed pretty sure. Tony was a little less clear, and Clint and Thor were all but useless, but that seems to be the general consensus,” Alice replied, “I’m still not so sure, but I can’t think of any other explanation for how I feel around you.”

 

    “And how is that?” Loki asked, now struggling with not letting his hopes get too high. If there was ever a time when he was glad for his mastery over his facial expressions, this was it.

 

    “Good,” Alice replied with a smile, “ _Really_ good. Happy. And comfortable, more than with anyone else. And just... I don’t even know. It’s just really good. And it’s not like with the rest of the guys, either. I can’t explain it, it’s just... stronger?”

 

    Loki stared at her for a few moments then amusement took over his features. “You are truly bad it this.” He said.

 

    Alice scoffed and punched his shoulder, causing him to laugh. “Oh, shut up; I’m trying, okay!”

 

    Once his laughter subsided, Loki leaned over and crossed his arms over the edge of the tub next to Alice and rested his head on them facing her. “And, besides ‘good’, what else do I make you feel?” He asked.

 

    Alice freed one of her arms and reached over, running her fingers through Loki’s dripping hair. “The other day, seeing you get hurt like that...” She began, “You scared the hell out of me. I mean it; I have _never_ been so terrified. Not even when Wanda got shot last year.”

 

    Loki hummed, remembering that particular incident. It was a little over two months after he’d arrived, they’d almost lost the sokovian girl; it was the most worried he’d ever seen Alice, before his own injury. He also noted that back then, she’d channelled her worry into such a destructive force, he’d barely been able to do anything in the next fights against those particular enemies; she’d annihilated them all almost singlehandedly with a brutality that was quite startling, even for her. It was one of the things that cemented his respect (and caution) for her. But this time there was no such fury, at least not yet; she really did seem mostly concerned, if a bit distracted at times. Now he understood why.

 

    “I’m sorry my distraction caused such distress,” Loki said softly, relaxing at her touch despite himself.

 

    “I’m the one who should apologise,” Alice said, frowning slightly.

 

    Loki looked at her questioningly. “You did nothing wrong; the fault was mine,” He said.

 

    Alice looked at him skeptically. “Loki, I’m not stupid; I know it was something I said,” She replied, “I’m just wondering what it was.”

 

    Loki looked down at the edge of the tub, then lifted his head and rested his chin on his arms, facing away from her. “I love you,” He whispered.

 

    “What?” Alice asked.

 

    “You said, ‘You’re lucky I love you’,” Loki said a little louder, still facing away, “That was it.”

 

    “But... I... say that all the time,” Alice said, confused, “You already knew that. Everyone I care about knows that.”

 

    “I know,” Loki replied, “It’s not what you _said;_ it’s what I wanted it to _mean._ ”

 

    Alice stared at him for a while, brows furrowed. “... Okay, I’m lost.”

 

    Loki shut his eyes and buried his face in his arms, shaking his head and muttering something she couldn’t understand except for the word ‘Norns’, then lifted his head and looked at her with a bemused smile. “Absolutely terrible,” He said, “I mean to say that I am in love with you as well, you frustrating creature.”

 

    “Oh... Okay, then,” Alice said, then stared around the room for a bit, before looking back at him, “Sooo... what now?”

 

    Loki sat back a bit. “I’m not entirely sure; never thought I would get this far,” He replied.

 

    “Uh-huh... Welp, I doubt we’re gonna figure it out in here,” Alice said, then leaned into the tub and unstoppered the drain before standing up and grabbing a towel.

 

    “I wasn’t...” Loki began to protest then sighed, shook his head and stood, holding his hand out for the towel. Instead, Alice tossed it at his face and ran out of the room laughing. Loki sighed again. “Norns, what have I gotten myself into?” He muttered to himself.

 

    After Loki was dry and at least somewhat dressed, they sat down on his bed to discuss things. Or at least, Loki was sitting; Alice had sprawled out on her back in the middle of the bed with her arms resting above her head, twirling some locks of her hair between her fingers, looking up at his, from her perspective, upside down form. He sometimes wondered why he still bothered to call it _his_ bed.

 

    “So. You’ve done this before; how does it work?” Alice asked, a look of determination on her face.

 

    It was adorable, really.

 

    Loki chuckled a bit at her eagerness. “It’s not quite that simple,” He replied, “Relationships are subjective things; heavily dependent on the individuals involved. There is no one way for them to work.”

 

    Alice hummed, pouting slightly. “Okay, I get that,” She said, “But there’s gotta be, like, basic guidelines, or something.”

 

    “I suppose, yes,” Loki agreed with a nod.

 

    “And they are...?” Alice asked.

 

    Loki looked up at the ceiling and leaned back on the headboard with a sigh. “This is going to be a very long night,” He murmured.

 

****

 

    The next morning, Loki awoke to the sound of Alice’s phone ringing, and he blindly felt around her form, which was still asleep and laying almost completely on top of him, until he found it; bringing it to his face, he blurrily read ‘Marlene’ on the screen and cleared his throat a bit before answering it. “It is not even eight, and we had a very long night; this had better be important,” He half-mumbled, feeling Alice stir over him.

 

    Alice had barely shaken her dream after she heard her phone when she felt Loki’s hand searching for it then vaguely heard him answer it, but all traces of sleep fled her the moment she felt Loki tense under her. She lifted her face from his chest, rubbing her eyes with one hand, and looked at him questioningly. He looked back at her with a completely blank expression and wordlessly handed her the phone; she gave the screen a quick glance then pressed it to her face.

 

    “Your mother says ‘hello’... Alessa,” A distorted voice on the other end of the line said then hung up.

 

    Alice gripped the phone tighter, anger beginning to flood her features, then she got up and rushed out of the room, Loki quickly following after her.

 

****

 

    Alice paced the room restlessly as Tony had F.R.I.D.A.Y. run a trace for Marlene’s phone after she’d explained about the call. Of the other Avengers in the room, none had bothered to try and get her to stop after the deathly glare she sent Vision when he politely suggested she calm down.

 

    “Are we sure this is even gonna work?” Sam asked, breaking the tense silence.

 

    “It’ll work,” Alice replied without looking at him.

 

    “How do you know?” Wanda asked, eyeing her with worry.

 

    “Because they’re after me, and the only way they’ll get me is if I can find her,” Alice replied.

 

    “And then what; we’re just gonna walk right into the trap?” Sam asked.

 

    “No. I am,” Alice replied.

 

    “No way. You’re not going alone,” Steve spoke up.

 

    “No, she is not,” Loki added.

 

    “This isn’t up for debate. I am _not_ risking her,” Alice said, ceasing her pacing and turning to them.

 

    “And I am not risking _you,_ ” Loki responded firmly.

 

    Alice scoffed in annoyance. “I can take care of myself,” She half growled.

 

    “Bullshit,” Tony said, “You’re gonna do whatever it takes to get her back, and we all know that’s gonna include you getting hurt, which you’re going to ignore, and it’s gonna cost you.”

 

    Just then, F.R.I.D.A.Y. announced the scan was complete, and the location was found. Tony wasted no time pulling the image up; it was a farm somewhere in Maine, somewhat isolated, but otherwise seemed unremarkable.

 

    “Alice, ve are not doubting your ability, but they know you, and if they mean to take you, they vill have numbers greater than even you can handle on your own,” Wanda tried to reason with her.

 

    “You are always quick to come to aid when any of us is in peril; it’s my understanding that being part of a team includes letting us do the same for you,” Vision added.

 

    “It’s six against one, kid. Just accept it,” Sam finished.

 

    Alice looked at all of them, the wheels in her mind turning, trying to decide which was the best course of action; leave them behind and doing what she did best the way she had before she’d met them, or give in and allow her team, her family, to help. It didn’t escape her notice that she was considering the latter more strongly, but she pushed the thought aside; it could wait until after Marlene was safe.

 

    After a moment, she made her decision and turned to face Steve. “You better have a damn good plan,” She said, crossing her arms under her breasts and looking at him expectantly.

 

    Steve nodded and looked at the screen in front of them in thought for a bit. “Right. It may not look very impressive, but I think we all know appearances don’t mean much. Alice goes in first, they’ll probably be watching; Loki and Wanda will back her up, since they’re the least likely to be detected. The rest of us are reinforcements; the _second_ it’s clear, we go in. Got it?” He finished, and the team voiced or nodded their assent. He looked to Alice, trying to gauge her thoughts on the plan, and she nodded, albeit a bit hesitantly, so he walked over to her, placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. “We’ll get her back,” He said.

 

    “Yes, we will,” Alice replied, “And then I’m gonna rip them to pieces.”

 

    “That’s our girl,” Steve said, squeezing her shoulder again, then he turned to the rest of them, “Suit up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that tag I put up there warning things could get bloody? Yeah, that one. Shit's 'bout to go down, yo.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice rushes to the rescue, but as fighting ensues, will she be the one needing rescuing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is. New chapter. At a bit over 2,000 words, it's the longest one so far. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go see if I can remember how to blink. @_@

    Just over two hours later, Alice stood outside the gate to the farm in which Marlene was being held, surveying the area; it seemed empty, but years of training and her own instincts told her otherwise. Close behind her stood Loki and Wanda, cloaked with the former’s seidr to be undetectable, with Wanda standing ready to use her powers to allow them to communicate telepathically when the need arose. Alice inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, then opened the gate and began walking towards the rather large house a distance away.

 

    “Are you sure ve vill not be seen?” Wanda asked Loki through the link.

 

    Loki rolled his eyes. “This spell was designed to conceal from the near-infallible gaze of Asgard’s Watchman, and I have improved it since; I highly doubt any group of mortals could find a way to penetrate it.” He replied coolly.

 

    “Relax, ladies; you’re both pretty. Now focus,” Alice snapped, and Loki glared at the back of her head.

 

    As they neared the house, they noticed subtle movement going on around them. “Ve are surrounded,” Wanda said.

 

    “I know,” Alice replied, “But they’re not important.”

 

    “Mere pawns,” Loki commented, “Clearly they don’t expect you to come quietly.”

 

    “They’re not that stupid,” Alice replied almost humorously.

 

    “I could take care of them now,” Wanda suggested.

 

    “Better not risk it; not yet,” Alice replied.

 

    They arrived at the front door, which Alice opened, and the screen beyond, and walked in without hesitation, Loki casting a minor illusion to conceal his and Wanda’s entrance. Looking around, it was clear that either someone had lived here recently, or it was made to look that way; furniture was in place, picture frames on the walls and other surfaces depicting a happy-looking family, no dust or other signs of long-term abandonment. They walked down the hall and split up at the end; Loki went through the doorway to their left which led to the living room, Wanda through the doorway to their right which led to the dining room and kitchen, and Alice straight ahead and up a flight of stairs to the second floor. There she found four bedrooms and two bathrooms, all empty, and so returned downstairs just as Loki walked back into the hall and shook his head at her, then they went into the dining room to find Wanda.

 

    “Alice...” She called from the kitchen. They walked in to find her standing in front of the counter, staring at a covered dish on its surface with a note resting against it. Wanda looked up at them. “It says, ‘Enjoy. Love, E’.”

 

    “Elise,” Alice whispered as she walked over and picked up the note.

 

    “Your mother?” Loki asked.

 

    Alice nodded and lifted the lid off the dish, revealing a large slice of chocolate cake with white frosting. She smiled a bit, then grit her teeth and all but slammed the lid back on.

 

    “Now you’re just fucking with me,” She growled aloud, clenching her fists and crumpling the note in the process.

 

    “Don’t let them; ve still need to find Marlene,” Wanda said, placing her hand on Alice’s arm.

 

    Alice took a deep breath, then turned and walked out of the room; there were still places to search. The attic seemed out of the question, too many escape routes, so instead she looked for the door to the cellar, where a quick search revealed nothing. The only place left was the barn out back, and so they headed there next. The entire time, they were well aware they were being monitored, and as they walked outside the same movement from before was noticed. As Alice pulled open one of the barn doors, she heard the distinct sound of a gun being cocked. When she walked in she saw Marlene at the far side of the room, tied to a chair and unconscious, and a woman standing behind and a little to the side of her; she was of fairly average height and build, seemingly in her mid-twenties or so, wearing a neat dark suit, her light brown hair pulled up into a high bun with a few wisps let loose and framing her round, hazel eyed face. In her right hand was a gun, and she smiled politely at Alice as she entered.

 

    “Alessa; you’re a hard woman to get to,” She said conversationally.

 

    “I’m really not; all you had to do was ask,” Alice replied, matching the woman’s tone.

 

    “And go up against S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers?” The woman said with a slight, humourless laugh, “I think not.”

 

    “They have nothing to do with this. They’re not my keepers,” Alice retorted.

 

    “Aren’t they, though?” The woman asked, “You took down quite a few of us after Elise failed to control you, quite viciously I might add, but then Fury takes you in and suddenly you’re as docile as guard dog to its master.”

 

    “I killed your people because they pissed me off. You shouldn’t have sent them after me,” Alice explained, “And you _really_ shouldn’t have gone after my family. I don’t think I need to tell you you’re not walking out of here.”

 

    The woman barked a laugh, then walked over to Marlene and pointed the gun to the back of her head. “If you don’t surrender quietly, I’ll pull this trigger and spill your mommy’s brains all over your shoes,” She snapped coldly.

 

    “Do it, then,”  Alice replied calmly and the woman blinked in surprise, “Just know that if you do, I will dismantle you in the slowest way I can possibly manage.”

 

    The woman scoffed. “You’d really sacrifice your own mother?”

 

    “I killed the last one, remember?” Alice replied.

 

    “If I let her go?” The woman asked.

 

    “Then I call the guys to come pick her up and go back to the nest,” Alice replied. “After I kill you, of course,” She added casually.

 

    The woman clenched her jaw. “They won’t be happy if you kill me.”

 

    “Lady, I _really_ don’t care,” Alice replied with a smile.

 

    The woman looked like was about to say something else, when she stopped and looked down to the side as if listening; after a bit, she took a deep breath, then lowered the gun and dropped it on the floor, stepped away from Marlene and looked up at Alice with a strained expression.

 

    “Looks like she’s all yours,” She said bitterly.

 

    “Cosy feeling, isn’t it? Figuring out just how little you matter. I almost feel for you,” Alice said, pulling out an engraved dwarven dagger Loki had given her and walking up to the woman. She stepped close enough so that their noses were almost touching, wrapped her free arm around the woman’s shoulders and pulled her close, leaning into the ear that housed the wire she wore. “I’m never going back,” She whispered.

 

    The woman’s eyes widened in realisation moments before Alice plunged the dagger into her abdomen and dragged it upwards, stopping just under her breasts; a gurgled cry of pain was all she managed before Alice grabbed her face with her free hand and twisted her head sharply, snapping her neck. As Alice let the woman’s body drop to the floor, Loki undid his concealment spell and Wanda went to see to Marlene.

 

    Loki turned to face the door. “They’re on the move; be ready.”

 

    “Aren’t I always?” Alice joked, walking up to him.

 

    “Not the impression I got last night,” Loki teased with a smirk.

 

    “Oh, fuck off,” Alice replied, playfully elbowing his ribs. She reached into her ear and turned on the radio that connected to the rest of the team. “Alright boys, if you still feel like joining the party, now would be the time.”

 

    “Pfft! As if we’re gonna let you have all the fun,” Came Tony’s reply.

 

    With that, Alice drew another dagger from its scabbard at her hip and looked up at Loki with a grin. “Try not to get stabbed this time, eh?” She teased, winked at him, then ran out the door towards the approaching enemies.

 

    Loki scoffed in amusement and looked back at Wanda and Marlene. “I vill keep her safe,” Wanda assured.

 

    He nodded then followed Alice out the door, exiting the barn in time to see her jam one of her daggers into someone’s eye with glee. As one of the pawns went after him, Loki noticed that none of them seemed to be equipped with guns; it was all knives and daggers. He found this a bit curious but dismissed it for later, easily parrying his opponent’s attack and slicing his throat open in one smooth move.

 

    Alice was having fun. She wouldn’t even try to deny it if asked. As she slashed and stabbed her way through enemy after enemy, she felt a sense of exhilaration she hadn’t felt since the first time They had come after her after she killed her mother, and she very much relished the feeling. She felt a knife slash the back of her ribs and she turned around, stabbing her attacker in the neck just under his jaw, then moved on to the next without so much as a glance as the body fell. The dead didn’t matter. They were no threat. She focused on anything with a pulse, just as she had been taught.

 

    The fight seemed to go on forever, their enemies endless even after the other available Avengers arrived; not that Alice noticed any of that as she added kill after kill to her tally. As Sam commented on the number of people to fight, Loki spared a glance towards Alice and quickly realized that something was not quite right. She fought like one possessed, paying absolutely no heed to the few hits her opponents managed to score. As he began making his way to her, one of the pawns managed to stab her dagger into Alice’s shoulder before the latter sliced her hand clean off with the dwarven dagger and embedded the other one into her forehead, letting it go as the body fell. With a twisted smile, she stabbed herself in the hip with her remaining dagger then grabbed the dagger in her shoulder and pulled it free; she then began to change her fighting tactics, incapacitating her opponents rather that going in for the kill. As the pawns fell, they began convulsing and writhing in agony, until all of them were down and dying slowly.

 

    “Alice!” Loki called when he got close enough. Alice whirled around in a flash, and it was only by his quick reflexes that Loki avoided being stabbed. He grabbed her wrist in one hand and a fistful of her hair at the back of her head with the other, pulling back and turning her face towards him. “Alice, _enough!”_ He all but shouted at her.

 

    Alice blinked as she regained her senses and, once he was sure she was back, Loki released her. Alice looked around her at the dead and dying, then back at Loki, who was eyeing her in concern. She opened her mouth, then closed it again and shook her head slightly, looking down. Suddenly, she seemed to remember something and looked back up and towards the barn.

 

    “Marlene!” She gasped, turned and ran.

 

    The other Avengers, who had finished with their opponents shortly before Loki had reached Alice, had seen what she’d been doing and now gathered around Loki, who was staring towards the barn with a very worried expression.

 

    “What the hell was _that?”_ Sam was the first to speak, “She looked like she was possessed.”

 

    “I’ve never seen her like that. Not even when Wanda got shot,” Steve said, clearly concerned.

 

    “Are you alright?” Vision asked Loki.

 

    Loki glanced at him momentarily, then back at the barn. “Not in the slightest,” He replied softly then began to walk towards the barn, leaving the rest of them to wonder exactly what he meant by that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, eight chapters in, I finally get around to mentioning what Alice's blood does. Basically, she's poisonous, if it's not clear enough; kinda like belladonna, hence her codename.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice finally begins to talk about her past, making Loki realise he has his work cut out for him where recovery is concerned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, _really_ wanted to have this chapter out sooner, but yesterday was my little brother's birthday and before that my mind was trolling me too much to focus on it at all. To be fair, though, I'm pretty sure slow updates was in my initial disclaimer...

    Alice sat cross-legged in a chair next to Marlene, who was lying in a bed in the infirmary, still unconscious, when Loki quietly walked into the room and stood behind her with his arms clasped behind his back.

 

    “Someone should’ve told me caring about people involved frequent trips to medically-inclined rooms,” Alice spoke up softly after a minute.

 

    “How is she?” Loki asked.

 

    “Fine, mostly. She has to work out whatever They gave her on her own; too risky to try anything. Guess no-one wants acid burns,” Alice replied.

 

    Loki hummed in understanding. “And you?”

 

    “I’m fine,” Alice replied almost too quickly.

 

    “Alice...” Loki began, but was interrupted.

 

    “Could we not do this now?” Alice said firmly.

 

    “When, then? Shall we wait for another long-lost relative to appear? Because it seems that’s the only way to get answers from you,” Loki snapped.

 

    Alice looked back at him with a glare, clenching her hands into fists, then stood and walked past him. Loki wasn’t about to let her get away, though, and quickly followed after her. After a while, Alice realized she wasn’t getting anywhere, and so she stopped and rounded on Loki suddenly, causing him to almost collide with her.

 

    “Fine! You wanna know so badly, _fine!_ What happened back there was exactly what was expected of me, what I was raised for. You all seem to think all that training is just gonna go away just because I left Them and saved a few hundred people I don’t give a fuck about, but it’s not! It’s still there! And all it takes in the right kind of trigger and then _nobody’s_ safe!” Alice shouted at him, voice breaking slightly by the end, her vision becoming slightly blurred by tears.

 

    Loki stared at her in shock for a moment, before placing his hands on her shoulders. “Alice, I don’t expect you to be alright; I would be _worried_ if you were,” He said, “I only wish you would trust me; I can’t help you if I don’t know what is wrong.”

 

    Alice looked up at him, then down at his feet. “Where do I even begin?”

 

    “How about with just who the hell these people are?” Fury’s voice interrupted.

 

    It was only then that they realized they’d walked into one of the meeting rooms, where all the other Avengers were seated around a table, eyeing Alice with openly concerned expressions, and Fury’s face was projected onto a screen in front of it.

 

   Alice bit her lip harshly, tasting blood. “I honestly have no idea; mother wasn’t particularly forthcoming on that front,” She replied, “All I know is that their network is _very_ extensive; probably bigger than Hydra in their better days.”

 

    “Yeah, the amount of people they threw at us seemed to say that,” Sam said.

 

    “Seems they’re really eager to get you back,” Tony commented.

 

    “I’m a special snowflake,” Alice said bitterly.

 

    “Which means they’re going to try again. And you need to be ready,” Fury said.

 

    “I’m always ready for Them; can’t say the same about everyone else,” Alice replied.

 

    “We’ll keep Marlene safe,” Steve assured, “You said they don’t want the team or S.H.I.E.L.D. involved, right?”

 

    “Right,” Alice replied with a nod, “Too much attention. They don’t like that.”

 

    “Well, that’s really too bad,” Fury said.

 

****

 

    After the meeting Alice had practically dragged Loki to the roof with her, where he sat and she lay on her back with her hands under her head, looking up at the mostly-clear night sky.

 

    “You know this isn’t easy for me,” Alice said, “I’m not used to talking about it. Never have.”

 

    “I understand, I just want you to try,” Loki replied, looking down at her.

 

    He saw a bit of the bandages wrapped around her hip from under her slightly lifted shirt, and pulled the garment up higher, exposing her stomach in the process. She had needed stiches for that wound and the one on her shoulder, but already they had healed far better than was normal for such a short amount of time.

 

    “I’ve always healed quickly,” Alice answered his unspoken question, “No idea if that was something They did, though.”

 

    “A terrible ability to possess under the right circumstances,” Loki said, remembering events in his own life where such was the case.

 

    “No kidding,” Alice agreed. After a few minutes of silence, she spoke again, “I’m not blind, you know; I know she never loved me. I know the only reason for my ‘rewards’ was so I wouldn’t break too much from the training. But I liked to pretend.”

 

    “I don’t blame you; that is so much easier to do,” Loki replied somewhat bitterly, looking down at his hands on his lap.

 

    “For the longest time, she was all I had, and, well, parents are infallible when you’re too young to know better,” Alice continued, “Even when they’re chopping your fingers off.”

 

    At that, Loki’s head snapped up then he looked down at her incredulously. “She... she _what?”_ He asked.

 

    “Oh, yeah; three of ’em!” Alice replied almost cheerfully, lifting her left hand and waving her middle, ring, and baby finger at him, “And then she sewed them back on.”

 

    Loki stared at her for a few moments, unsure of what to say to that, then recalled their first conversation on the subject almost five months ago. “You were not kidding.”

 

    “I was not kidding,” Alice confirmed.

 

    Loki reached over and grabbed her hand, bringing it up to his face for closer inspection and finding absolutely nothing to indicate any past injury, then looked back at her face. “Do you have _any_ scars?” He asked.

 

    “Nope,” Alice replied.

 

    Loki looked back at her hand. “Interesting,” He muttered.

 

    Alice snorted a laugh. “That was fast,” She said amusedly.

 

    Loki looked at her again, then let go of her hand and sat up straight, facing away from her, slightly embarrassed that he’d let his curious nature distract him so easily. After a moment Alice sat up and leaned against him, taking one of his hands in hers and entwining their fingers.

 

    Loki cleared his throat slightly. “Did you always know that she wasn’t working alone?” He asked, eager to change the subject.

 

    “No,” Alice replied, “I had a few suspicions later on because of things she said and things I overheard, but I didn’t know for sure until They came after me after I killed her.”

 

    Loki hummed in understanding, then freed his hand from hers, turned sideways and pulled her into a hug, resting his chin on her head. “I’m sorry. You know I will stand with you, don’t you? You will not deal with this alone,” He said softly.

 

    Alice returned the hug tightly. “I know,” She replied, “And that kinda scares me.”

 

****

 

     _“Again,” A woman’s strict voice snapped._

_The girl, barely a teenager, stood up on shaking, bruised legs and picked up the long knife she had dropped in her trembling hands. She looked up at the stern gaze of her teacher, her mother, then rushed at her again as best she could, only to be knocked back down with a cry of pain as her attack was dodged and countered by a sharp blow to her back from a long, hazel switch._

_“Again,” The woman repeated._

_The girl tried to stand again, but failed. She tried again with the same results. And again. And again. “I can’t,” She finally said, after several more tries._

_The woman sighed then walked over to the girl, kneeling in front of her. She ran her fingers through the girl’s hair in a soothing sort of way, then grabbed her chin and lifted her face up to lock their gazes._

_“Weakness cannot be tolerated...” She said forebodingly, her eyes cold._

 

    Alice awoke with a gasp, launching upright into a sitting position, startling Loki awake and upright with her.

 

    “Alice?” He called, placing a hand on her shoulder, which she flinched away from and turned to look at him with wide eyes, before relaxing slightly as she seemed to realize where she was. He tried again and this time she relaxed a bit under his touch, so he pulled her in for a hug. “It’s alright. She’s gone. You are safe,” He whispered.

 

    “Weakness cannot be tolerated,” Alice murmured shakily into his chest.

 

    Loki hushed her and kept repeating soothing words until she relaxed and fell back asleep, worry ensuring he would not follow.

 

****

 

    “You look like crap,” Tony said to Loki as soon as the latter had walked into the kitchen, earning a half-hearted glare from the god as he made his way to the coffee-maker, “Gonna go out on limb and say it has something to do with your new girlfriend.”

 

    “I am not in the mood for you, Stark; leave me be,” Loki replied, serving himself a cup then turning and beginning to leave the room.

 

    “Nightmare?” Tony asked knowingly and Loki halted his steps then looked over at the other man, “First time seeing it, huh?”

 

    Loki hesitated for a moment. “Yes,” He replied.

 

    “We’ve all been there. Never easy,” Tony said somewhat sympathetically.

 

    “They are always that bad?” Loki asked.

 

    “You should ask your brother about the time she nearly sliced his face in half,” Tony replied with a humourless laugh, “Last time we let her sleep near us with anything sharp and pointy.”

 

    “That explains a few things,” Loki said with a faint smirk.

 

    “It’s not gonna get any better, you know,” Tony said, “The more you ask, the more she thinks about it; the more she thinks about it, the more she dreams.”

 

    “So you suggest I stop asking?” Loki asked with an edge to his voice.

 

    “No; I suggest you get ready,” Tony replied seriously, “She’s falling apart and she’s gonna need someone to help salvage whatever’s left.”

 

    Loki tilted his head to the side slightly. “You don’t think I can,” He concluded.

 

    “I care about that kid a helluva lot more than I trust you. Which is not at all, by the way,” Tony replied, “But for whatever reason, she loves you, which makes this your job, and I’m not happy about that.”

 

    Loki looked into his cup thoughtfully, mulling over Tony’s words, then looked back up at him. “I’ve no intention of letting her lose what is left of herself,” He said firmly, “Whatever it takes, I will see her past this.”

 

    “Good. ’Cause, just saying, the team’s gonna kick your ass if you don’t,” Tony replied, “But no pressure.”

 

****

 

    Marlene opened her eyes with a slight groan, her head still feeling a bit fuzzy, then blinked to clear her vision and looked around trying to determine where she was. She looked to the side and found Alice sitting in a chair staring at her with smile.

 

    “Morning, mom,” She greeted softly.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice takes the first steps to embracing new feelings and experiences.

    Marlene had been through much in her almost forty years of life; growing up with acid for blood made her childhood a bit... _unconventional_ , at the least, as was the case for all of the relatives she was aware of that carried such abnormal traits, though she couldn’t claim it was bad in the grand scheme of things. Certainly there was plenty of love in her household, which offset the isolation from the outside world for as long as it lasted. Losing the family she grew up with hit her hard, but she went on and she adapted, just as she had been taught to do should the worst come to pass. Losing Alice’s father had tested her recovery, but still she kept going, if only for their baby’s sake. Having that same baby stolen from her... that was the last straw, the one she was sure she’d never surpass.

 

    And she certainly _was_ broken. Until she learned her daughter was alive. The knowledge kept her alive, gave her everything she needed to survive and, more importantly, to search. And search she did; half her life she devoted, until finally she found her little Alessa. It had broken her heart all over again, the near rejection she was met with from her re-named daughter, but she accepted it, knowing it came from fear and not any real animosity. She had resigned herself to be only a dear friend, deciding it was better than nothing.

 

    So it came as no small shock to hear that three letter word, coming from those particular lips, directed at her.

 

    For one long minute, Marlene just stared at Alice, wondering if she had maybe imagined it, sure that she had. After all, she _had_ to have. Right?

 

    “Uhhm, mom? Helloooo,” Alice said, snapping her fingers in front of Marlene’s startled face.

 

    “Did... did you just...?” Marlene dared to ask, her voice sounding small to her ears, unwilling or unable to finish.

 

    “Call you ‘mom’?” Alice finished for her and then nodded, “I did.”

 

    Marlene sat up half-way, almost too fast. “Why?” She blurted out.

 

    Alice looked down at her hands, which rested on her lap fiddling with a few locks of her hair. “Haven’t the faintest idea,” She replied, “Probably something Loki said last night.”

 

    Marlene stared at her daughter, unsure of what to make of that reply. She sat up the rest of the way and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, resting her elbows on her knees, her hands clasped together. “So does this mean...?” She ventured hesitantly.

 

    “I guess it does,” Alice replied, looking up at Marlene.

 

    At her mother.

 

****

 

    Elsewhere, in a completely unassuming house in a quiet little town, sat two men; one of slightly above-average height, seeming to be in his thirties, his dark-skinned face void of any emotion save for a slight displeased narrowing of his black eyes, the other an older fellow, his sun-kissed face clearly trying to appear anything other than terrified.

 

    “You assured us taking Ms. Holden would make Alessa surrender,” The dark-skinned man spoke, deceptively calm, “Instead, it cost us my niece and brought us to the attention of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers; precisely the people we’ve worked the most to avoid.”

 

    “I-I didn’t know! I didn’t know she would involve them!” The other man stammered, not daring to look his superior in the eye.

 

    “Because you weren’t paying attention.” The younger snapped, “You know what you must do.”

 

    The older man looked up at that, fear written all over his face. “Please, mercy,” He begged.

 

    The dark-skinned man looked back at him completely unmoved, then stood and began to walk out of the room, stopping at the door. “Weakness cannot be tolerated,” He said over his shoulder coldly before leaving the house altogether.

 

    The older man let out a sob, stood from his chair and walked into his bedroom. From under his bed he brought out a small box; in it was a photo of himself at a younger age along with a pretty girl, their poses and happy expressions clearly suggesting they were a couple, and a gun, both of which he picked up. He sat down on the bed and, with a trembling hand, placed the barrel of the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.

 

****

 

    The morning had come and gone while Alice and Marlene talked, trying to figure out this new development in their relationship. It was clear Alice still had her doubts about how good an idea it was to let Marlene get that close to her heart, but she was at least willing to try, which was good enough for now. Still, leaving the infirmary, Alice felt a little drained. Complicated emotions did not come easy to her; she wasn’t supposed to have any, and she hadn’t found a need for them even after she had killed Elise. At least not until she met the team, anyway. But now, she not only needed them, she was coming to realise she actually _wanted_ them. She wanted connections. And that confused her.

 

    Deciding she also wanted a drink, she changed her directionless walking to head to the bar. Seeing Tony already there, she headed over, figuring she might as well talk to him; he _had_ been surprisingly helpful so far.

 

    “So, we’re officially calling her ‘mom’ now?” Tony said as Alice plopped down on the seat next to him.

 

    Alice wasn’t surprised he knew about that, he always did monitor her closely whenever he found out she’d had another nightmare, and she trusted him to not have eavesdropped too much on the conversation in question. “We are,” Alice replied, reaching over the counter and snatching up a bottle of vodka and a tumbler, pouring herself a drink and knocking it back in one gulp before pouring another.

 

    “Huh. ’Bout time,” Tony said, downing his own drink and looking at her intently, “And how are things going with our resident popsicle?”

 

    Alice’s brow furrowed and she stopped raising her glass midway to her lips. “What’s Steve got to do with this?” She asked.

 

    Tony shook his head. “No, no; Steve’s _Capsicle,”_ He replied, “It’s different. I meant Loki.”

 

    “Ohhh,” Alice said, and downed her drink. She poured another one and looked at the bottle thoughtfully for a moment. “It’s... going... I think,” She answered uncertainly.

 

    Tony sighed, poured himself another drink. “Alley-cat, I know you’re new to the whole ‘being a person’ thing, but that part of a relationship is easy; it either works or it doesn’t.” He said, “So, does it?”

 

    Alice looked away to the far end of the room, teeth worrying her bottom lip. She sighed then looked down at the glass in her hands. “I want it to. I really do. I just don’t know how,” She replied quietly.

 

    Tony sighed again, set his glass down and took one of Alice’s hands in both of his own, causing her to look up at him. “You start by moving past the fear. It’s not easy to let people in. I know that. We all do. But, sometimes, it’s worth it.”

 

    Alice looked down at their hands for a moment then chuckled. “You don’t even like him.”

 

    Tony shrugged. “Of course I don’t, he’s your boyfriend; I’m never gonna like your boyfriends, that’s not how it works.”

 

    “Alright, _dad,”_ Alice laughed. She looked down again for a moment, then knocked back her drink, set the glass down and stood, heading for the elevator. “I can do the thing!” She declared.

 

    “Damn right you can!” Tony called after her. After she was gone, he downed his drink. “I just hope he makes it worth it, for all our sakes,” He muttered with a heavy sigh.

 

****

 

    Finding Loki was easy enough for Alice; there were only so many places he ever was, after all. What she was going to do when she got there, that was a different matter. She knew the basics of what most people expect out of a relationship from Loki’s explanations the other night, but she still wasn’t sure how much of that she could actually do; caring for anyone in this way was an entirely foreign thing to her, and she wasn’t sure yet how much she liked it. Her thoughtful wandering was interrupted when she spotted Loki walking down the hall in her direction; he looked tired, though he hid it well enough, and she couldn’t help but to feel a little guilty, knowing it was likely her nightmare that had kept him up.

 

    Almost immediately, Alice went over to him, all but running. He offered her a slight smile and began parting his lips to say something, but was interrupted by her wrapping her hands behind his neck and, standing on the tips of her toes to make up for their different heights, pressed her lips to his.

 

    “Hi,” She said when they parted, smiling up at his slightly startled face.

 

    “Hello,” Loki replied after recovering, wrapping his arms around her waist.

 

    “Called Marlene ‘mom’ today,” Alice informed him, sounding somewhat proud of herself.

 

    “Did you? And has she recovered from the shock yet?” Loki joked, to which she laughed.

 

    “I’m not sure where it came from exactly, but I’m pretty sure it was your fault,” Alice said with a shrug.

 

    “ _My_ fault? Hm; well, I suppose there are worse things to be blamed for,” Loki replied; he examined her face closely, “And you are alright with this?”

 

    Alice opened her mouth to reply then let out a sigh instead. She looked down at his chest and nibbled on her lower lip in thought, then looked back up at his face. “I don’t know yet, but... I have to try,” She said.

 

    Loki hummed. “And is that what _this_ is as well?” He asked, though he already knew the answer.

 

    Alice nodded. “I don’t wanna be scared anymore,” She replied, “I have no idea what I’m doing, but I don’t wanna be scared of it.”

 

    Loki pulled her into a hug and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “You’ll get there,” He said reassuringly, “I know it is not easy, believe me I do, but you’ll get there.”

 

    For a while, neither of them spoke, simply enjoying the closeness. “Sorry ’bout last night,” Alice said quietly, “Didn’t mean to keep you up.”

 

    “Hush, that was not your fault,” Loki replied, “Though I do wish I had known it was _that_ bad. It seems I am woefully unprepared to see you truly afraid.”

 

    Alice huffed a humourless laugh. “And I’m clearly still woefully unprepared to _be_ truly afraid,” She said, “I am not made for this.”

 

    “So you’ll learn,” Loki replied.

 

    Alice parted from him enough to look him in the eyes. “What if I don’t _want_ to?”

 

    “You do,” Loki replied without a hint of doubt, “Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.”

 

    Alice looked to the side for a moment then back at him. “Fair enough,” She said with a shrug.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Alice adjusts to the recent changes in her life, she learns she's not the only one struggling.

    In the weeks that followed, Alice devoted most of her time between missions to learning to open up about her past, first to Loki and Marlene, then to the rest of the team; from the daily beatings and exhausting exercise and combat training, to the outright torture meant to desensitise her to pain and the faked affection meant to keep her at least somewhat sane. It wasn’t easy to relive that, but she felt they deserved to know. There was still a lot she didn’t say, but it was a start. She also divided time between Loki and Marlene, trying to figure out their respective relationships. It was easier with Loki; everything was completely new as she had no real frame of reference to draw from, whereas with Marlene she constantly had to fight off the expectations ingrained into her by Elise. She was trying, though, and that was what mattered.

 

    She was also working closely with Fury trying to find the organization that created her, but that was proving to be impossible so far; They were clearly well practised in staying undetected, and Alice’s lack of much knowledge on them wasn’t helping. It seemed that the only way they’d get anything was to wait for them to come after her again, and clearly they had learned to be more careful in how they went about that.

 

    “Maybe I should just leave,” Alice said one night with a frustrated sigh.

 

    “Somehow I doubt they’d fall for that now,” Fury replied.

 

    “No; I mean really leave,” Alice clarified.

 

    Fury crossed his arms over his chest. “You really think the team’s gonna let you go?” He asked sceptically.

 

    Alice’s shoulders fell and she slumped back into her seat. “No,” She muttered.

 

    “Didn’t think so,” Fury replied.

 

    “Well, something’s gotta give; we can’t just wait and see what They’ll come up with next!” Alice huffed, crossing her arms under her breasts.

 

    “I don’t like this any more than you do, agent, but we don’t exactly have an abundance of options here,” Fury replied; he glanced at the clock on his desk, then looked back to Alice, “For now, go home; we might need you in the field tomorrow.”

 

****

 

    Alice sat against the far wall of her shower with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms hanging over them, the water spray only reaching halfway up her legs and forearms, staring off into space, her mind busy trying to find angles and options that might have been overlooked. There had to be something.

 

    She wasn’t aware of how long she had been in there exactly when her thoughts were interrupted by Loki’s voice. “I know it is often said we do our best thinking while bathing, but is this truly necessary?” He asked in amusement.

 

    Alice looked up and over to the currently slightly foggy glass shower door and shrugged. “Might as well try,” She replied.

 

    “Alice, you have tried everything with the information you have so far; perhaps it’s time to take a step back,” Loki suggested.

 

    “Easier said than done,” Alice replied.

 

    “I never said it would be easy, I’m merely pointing out the option,” Loki said then walked over to the shower, grabbing a towel on the way, shut the water off with a slight wave of his hand and opened the door, offering out the towel between his extended arms, “Come, you need rest; the problem will still be there in the morning.”

 

    “Oh, _that’s_ reassuring,” Alice remarked sarcastically as she stood up and walked over to him.

 

    “It wasn’t meant to be; only true,” Loki replied, wrapping the towel around her and kissing her forehead.

 

    “You are the worst,” Alice said with a smile, lacing her fingers behind his neck and pulling him down for a kiss.

 

    “Hm, and what _does_ that make you?” Loki asked softly, lips millimetres apart, before kissing her again.

 

    “Desperate?” Alice retorted with a grin.

 

    At that Loki’s smile fell and he stood up straight and gave her a very unamused look, then slowly a mischievous smirk spread over his lips. Before Alice could react, Loki bent over slightly and picked her up by the waist, throwing her over his shoulder, earning a surprised squeak. He carried her back into the bedroom and walked over to the bed, where he unceremoniously dropped her, to which she laughed, then climbed in next to her and propped his head up on his elbow.

 

    “What am I to do with you, you complicated little creature?” Loki asked, gazing at Alice with a fond smile.

 

    Alice smiled back. “If you figure that out, let me know, would ya?”

 

    Loki laughed softly, then leaned down and captured her lips in a slow kiss that she quite happily returned. After a while he pulled back, much to Alice’s displeasure, and waved his hand over her, drying both her and the bed with a quick spell.

 

    “Sleep. Now,” He ordered then moved to get off the bed, only for Alice to cling to his arm.

 

    “Stay?” Alice asked with a rather pleading expression.

 

    “That... would not be a very good idea,” Loki replied somewhat tightly, eyeing her with an expression she couldn’t read.

 

    “Why not? I sleep in _your_ room all the time. What’s the difference?” Alice insisted, brows furrowing in confusion.

 

    “Just...” Loki began then sighed, “Not tonight.”

 

    Alice looked at him curiously then reluctantly let go of his arm and let him stand. “Fine. Go, then,” She huffed, falling back onto the bed with a pout.

 

    “Alice...” Loki tried, but she merely stared up at the hologram on the ceiling, pointedly ignoring him. He sighed deeply then sat down on the edge of the bed. “Alice, you have to understand; this, _us_ , is all new to you, and I am _trying_ to give you all the time you need to adjust, but this is not easy for me,” He explained, “I will never rush you into anything you are not ready for, but that does mean I will need space every so often, for my own sake as much as yours. I just need some time to myself tonight.”

 

    Alice looked over to him then sighed and sat up, moving over to him and hugging him, feeling him tense a little. “You’re right; I’m being selfish. I’m sorry,” She mumbled, “This is just so bizarre, wanting to be near someone this much. I’ll try to tone down the clinging; promise.”

 

    Loki hugged her back somewhat hesitantly. “It’s alright; I knew this would not be easy from the start. And you are trying, after all.”

 

    “You’re worth it,” Alice said happily, hugging him tighter before letting him go.

 

    As soon as Alice released him, Loki stood from the bed and exited the room after bidding her good-night. Walking to his room, he thanked the Norns and anyone else who wanted the credit that Alice was too oblivious to realise the precise reason he’d forced himself to leave her room. He was in no way lying when he said he didn’t want to rush her, but his body clearly had other ideas.

 

    Once he got to his room, he closed the door and leaned against it with a deep sigh. “Someday,” He told himself.

 

****

 

    The next day Alice awoke to a message from Fury letting her know that she was, in fact, needed on the field; she was sent in with Natasha to infiltrate a Hydra base and disable a weapon they were developing, the specifics didn’t really interest her that much as her job was mostly to keep the base’s personnel distracted while the Black Widow handled the rest.

 

    “Come on, boys and girls, you are making this entirely too easy,” Alice taunted as she found her way to a dead end in the seemingly endless hallways of the compound, pursued by no less than fifteen people. She pulled her favourite dagger out of its scabbard on her hip and flashed a grin. “So, who goes first?”

 

    She rushed towards them, unheeding of the bullets fired in her direction, which ricocheted harmlessly away thanks to an enchanted bracer Loki had given her before she’d left, and targeted the enemies closest to her. With quick movements she slit their throats open and pushed them aside, using one to knock down the two behind him as she moved on to the other wall, disposing of the ones there just as quickly. All the while, Alice made a conscious effort not to lose herself in the heat of battle; she wouldn’t admit it, but the day Marlene had been captured still plagued her mind. The carnage she had wrought itself didn’t bother her, it was just another fight, but the fact that she’d almost hurt - if not outright killed - Loki haunted her. She didn’t want to risk something like that happening again.

 

    “Weapon’s down, Nightshade; heading out,” She heard Natasha’s voice through her earpiece say as she stabbed the last of them through the heart.

 

    “Got it,” Alice replied, pulling her dagger free of her target and turning towards the exit, disposing of anyone who got in her way.

 

    Almost out of the building, Alice got the distinct feeling she was being watched. She stopped in her tracks and looked around, finding nothing particularly out of the ordinary, though her senses told her to stay alert. She was a foot away from the door when she detected movement to her right, and slid to the floor just in time to avoid a blade aimed at her throat. As she turned and stood again, she drew a throwing knife from her boot and threw it towards her new opponent, checking their arm only just, causing them to step back a bit which afforded her a quick look. It was a male, standing at some four or five inches taller than her, with dark hair just reaching his shoulders and blue eyes currently narrowed into a concentrated glare in her direction. She wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but something told her this person wasn’t one of Hydra’s, so she decided on a non-lethal approach to start with.

 

    “Honey, you _really_ wanna walk away, before I show you what the inside of your ribcage looks like,” Alice warned, pulling a short sword from a scabbard over her shoulder and pointing it in the man’s direction.

 

    “Nightshade, what’s going on?” Natasha spoke into the com.

 

    “Nothing much, сестра; just making friends,” Alice replied lightly then turned her attention back to the man, “Last chance before you join the rest of the Hydra lemmings.”

 

    The man looked at her in slight confusion for a moment, tilting his head to the side a bit. “You’re not Hydra,” He said in a rather gruff voice.

 

    “What gave it away?” Alice asked sarcastically, eyebrow raised, “You gonna leave, or do I have to deck the halls with your insides?”

 

    The man looked at her for a while, seemingly deciding on his next move, then turned and ran off deeper into the building, leaving Alice looking after him curiously for a moment before she put her weapons away and continued her original course to the extraction point where Natasha waited for her.

 

    “Any trouble?” She asked as Alice reached her.

 

    “Apparently not,” Alice replied with a shrug. Natasha raised an eyebrow, but said no more as they left to head back to headquarters for debriefing.

 

****

 

    After giving her report to Fury, Alice headed to her room for a quick shower and threw on some pyjama shorts and a loosely-fitting tank top, then headed over to the kitchen for a snack. There, she was met with Thor, who sent a warm smile her way as he grabbed a beer out of the fridge.

 

    “I hear you’ve successfully dealt another blow to Hydra today,” He commented as she walked past him.

 

    “That we did,” Alice replied, taking out a plate from the cabinet and fishing out a fork and a chef’s knife from the drawers. She placed them on the counter and went over to the fridge and took out a large plate with slightly less than half a black forest cake, setting it down on the counter before serving herself a rather generous slice. She took a bite, closing her eyes and letting out a slight, pleased moan, then turned back to Thor. “So, how’s Asgard? Dad still pissed that you keep leaving?” She asked.

 

    Thor chuckled and took a swig of his beer. “More concerned at me leaving Loki alone for long periods of time, actually,” He replied.

 

    “Gee, I wonder why,” Alice joked, earning a laugh.

 

    “And speaking of my brother; things are going well between you, I hope,” Thor inquired.

 

    “Well enough, I guess. It’s still pretty... odd, these feelings, this whole thing,” Alice replied. “Though I think he’s getting the worst of it,” She added somewhat guiltily.

 

    “How so?” Thor asked, walking over and leaning against the counter next to her.

 

    “Well, last night he said he needs some time to himself, for his own sake as well as mine, in his words,” Alice replied, “Something about spending the night not being a good idea, I dunno.”

 

    “Ah, I see,” Thor said, looking away and trying, and mostly failing, to suppress a laugh.

 

    Alice looked at him in confusion then put her fork down and l narrowed her eyes at him. “Alright, what’d I miss _this_ time?”

 

    Thor looked back at her apologetically. “I’m sorry, Alice, but I’d rather _not_ find out what Loki would do to me if I were to answer that question,” He replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> сестра (sestra) = sister


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki finds himself in an awkward conversation, and Alice receives some mail...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait; depression's been kicking my ass lately and I just couldn't focus on this. Hopefully, I'm back in it, but I won't make any promises I don't know I can keep.

    Two days later saw Alice sitting with Marlene in her (new) apartment, sharing a tub of vanilla bean ice-cream and a whole pistachio cake that Alice had more-or-less appropriated for herself. Fridays had become their Mother-Daughter Date Day of sorts, and that usually meant binging on junk food and terrible movies, much like they used to do but with the added bonus of Marlene no longer having to tip-toe around conversations for fear of pushing Alice away. She still chose her words and actions carefully so to not push her daughter too far out of her comfort zone, but not as much anymore.

 

    “So, Loki still hasn’t talked to you?” Marlene asked after a momentary lull.

 

    “’Bout what?” Alice spoke through a mouthful of cake.

 

    “Why he’s avoiding you,” Marlene clarified, pushing Alice’s glass of soda closer to her in a not-so-subtle hint.

 

    Alice picked up the glass and chugged half of it down before replying. “Oh, that. Nope. Why? You know something?”

 

    Marlene smirked knowingly. “Oh, I know something.”

 

    “What?” Alice asked, getting really tired of missing what was apparently so obvious to everyone else.

 

    “You should ask _him,”_ Marlene replied, clearly enjoying herself.

 

    “I’m asking _you,”_ Alice pressed.

 

    Marlene laughed. “Uh-uh; I wouldn’t _dream_ of depriving him of _that_ joyful moment,” She said.

 

    “Oh, come on!” Alice whined.

 

    “Nope!” Marlene chimed cheerfully.

 

    “Then why bring it up?” Alice huffed.

 

    “So that you actually remember to ask,” Marlene explained. Alice scoffed and slumped back into the couch, crossing her arms at her chest and grumbling slightly. Marlene laughed a bit then eyed her daughter thoughtfully for a moment and sighed. “You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?” She said, a bit sadly.

 

    Alice looked at her bemusedly. “Where’d _that_ come from?”

 

    Marlene shook her head slightly. “Never mind; just... being a mom.”

 

    Alice huffed a laugh then looked up at the ceiling for a moment. “‘Beautiful’s a pointless word,” She said softly.

 

    Marlene gazed at her, then moved closer and wrapped her arms around Alice’s shoulders. “It is anything but, pup,” She replied.

 

    Alice leaned into her mother’s embrace and they stayed like that for the better part of the afternoon; Marlene at one point humming songs her own mother had once sung to her. After a dinner of pizza, they huddled together in a fort constructed from cushions and sheets on the floor of the living room and stayed up ’til the small hours of the morning catching up on as many episodes of ‘The Twilight Zone’ as they could before they fell asleep.

 

****

 

    Meanwhile, Loki had, once again, found himself cornered by his brother who, once again, had entirely unwanted advice to give. He truly hated the restrictions placed upon his seidr as part of his punishment, which was the only thing keeping him from either teleporting away or sending Thor into the heart of a volcano. He would just _love_ to see him hammer his way out of _that_. Instead, he was forced to listen; or at least pretend to long enough for Thor to _go away_.

 

    “Loki, she already suspects; why not simply tell her? She’s accepted everything else so far,” Thor reasoned.

 

    “I _truly_ don’t see how this is _any_ of your concern,” Loki replied exasperatedly, more than a little uncomfortable in discussing the matter with him of all people, “And do _not_ tell me it is because you care; this has nothing to do with brotherly affection.”

 

    “Does it not?” Thor asked, eyebrow raised, “I’m concerned for your sanity; when was the last time you-”

 

    “ _Stop. Talking,”_ Loki interrupted through gritted teeth.

 

    Thor sighed. “You need to tell her,” He repeated.

 

    “What would be the point? It’s not as if it would amount to anything,” Loki huffed, leaning against the wall and looking away.

 

    “Why not? Surely she would reciprocate,” Thor asked, confused as to what his brother’s worries were.

 

    “Of that I’ve no doubt, but that’s not the problem,” Loki replied.

 

    “Then what is?” Thor asked.

 

    “You truly are the biggest idiot I’ve ever met,” Loki muttered with a frustrated sigh, looking back at Thor. The Thunderer looked at him expectantly, choosing to ignore the insult, and Loki rolled his eyes. “Have you forgotten one of the most crucial details of our little Nightshade?” He asked.

 

    For a moment, Thor looked confused, then realisation coloured his features. “Her blood,” He said.

 

    “Indeed,” Loki confirmed in a somewhat mocking tone, “I’ve seen it does to people; I have no desire to die quite like that.”

 

    “Aye, that’s understandable,” Thor agreed, “But there must be a way around it, else she wouldn’t exist; Lady Marlene’s blood is just as harmful, after all.”

 

    “No doubt there is, but I’ve neither the materials nor the means to investigate properly,” Loki said, hoping Thor would take the bait, seeing as he was his only option.

 

    “Well, why not ask Marlene?” Thor asked, earning a look that was somewhere between disbelief and annoyance.

 

    “Because the only person I want to have this conversation with less than you would be Alice’s _mother,”_ Loki replied pointedly.

 

    “... Right. What would you need, then?” Thor predictably asked after some thought, and Loki had to suppress his amusement at how easy it still was to manipulate him, even with all that had happened between them.

 

****

 

    The next day, Loki was put to work dealing with an enhanced maniac wreaking havoc in an crowded mall; he took his time, toying with the man to try and release some of his pent up frustrations, but all too soon the fight was won, the target captured (he actually remembered not to kill them this time), and he found himself back at the tower with nothing to do and no one to do it with, since Alice was on another mission halfway across the world and Thor was still in Asgard getting him what he’d asked for.

 

    After some hours of randomly wandering, in which he devoted some time to setting up a bit of payback for a certain billionaire over a (admittedly minor) disagreement they’d had the week prior; he ended up in Alice’s room, the windows darkened, lying on her bed and staring up at the starry hologram on her ceiling. The first time he’d been in there at night he asked about it; she’d explained that she had trouble sleeping indoors at first after escaping Elise and that once she’d joined the Avengers Stark had set it up for her, mostly so she’d stay off the roof. After that, he’d made it a habit to take her up there as often as possible, claiming it was to annoy her fellow teammate.

 

    A half-truth, he just hadn’t wanted to admit he also wanted to spend time with her. In the very back of his mind, he had known even then that he was falling for her, but pride and fear made sure the knowledge stayed deeply buried. For what it was worth, he figured that had likely been the best course of action after all; as much as Thor teased and scolded that he should have told her of his feelings sooner, he knew if had told her then she wouldn’t have responded the same way. She hadn’t been ready. In many ways, she still wasn’t; and it was not rarely that Loki wondered just how much of her lifetime it would take for her to be. The thought sent his mind down paths he flat out refused to acknowledge; he of all people knew the risks of falling for a mortal (as he still occasionally reminded Thor when he was bored/annoyed enough), but clearly the heart wants what it wants, common sense be damned. He had, of course, considered ways around the problem, but all plans he’d come up with required time, caution, and no small amount of persuasion at the very least. And those were the ones that were more-or-less legal.

 

    Loki was no fool; he knew he would survive Alice’s death whenever it came, he’d survived Sigyn’s well enough, but that didn’t make the idea any more appealing. He _could_ live without her, he just _chose_ not to; not if he could avoid it. So lost was he in his thoughts, that he failed to notice he was no longer alone in the room until a voice called his attention to the fact.

 

    “Distracting, isn’t it?” Pepper said as she walked into the room, holding a medium-sized box in her arms, “I remember when Tony set it up; Alice refused to leave for the whole day. And then she figured out the controls...”

 

    “I imagine that was a week,” Loki said as he sat up, concealing well his slight embarrassment for failing to notice the woman; it’s not as though she was particularly stealthy, least of all in the shoes she usually wore.

 

    “Almost,” Pepper laughed, walking over to Alice’s dresser and setting the box down on it.

 

    “What is that?” Loki asked, eyeing the package.

 

    “No idea. It came addressed to Alice and scans didn’t turn up anything dangerous, so...” Pepper replied with a shrug.

 

    Loki stood and walked over to the dresser, noticing to his mild amusement how the normally self-assured CEO unconsciously shifted away from him as he approached; even after all this time and no inclination to be at all threatening to her, she still feared him. Turning his attention back to the box, he stared at it for a few moments, internally debating whether or not he should open it; he read the label on it to find there was no return address or anything at all to identify who sent it, and that was enough to make a decision.

 

    “I have no idea how Alice will react to finding this open, Miss Potts; if you have no desire to find out, now would be the time to leave,” He informed, before conjuring a small knife.

 

    “Right. Excuse me,” Pepper replied before turning and walking out in just barely disguised haste, all too happy to be away from him.

 

    When she was gone, Loki turned back to the package, using the knife to carefully break the seals, then to slowly pull open the flaps; inside the box he found a bundle of soft fabric of a purple colour slightly darker than Alice’s eyes, which he pulled out to reveal it to be a somewhat formal dress meant for a little girl, and under it was another bundle of white cotton fabric. It was heavier than he thought it would be as he began taking out and once he unravelled it, finding it to be a delicate looking frock, he found out why.

 

    Wrapped inside it was a worn, clearly much-read hardcover copy of ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice faces a disturbingly close realisation of her current worst nightmare, and it's all Loki can do to try and keep her from breaking down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out a bit longer than I was intending, but I just couldn't make it any shorter. Also, beware of angst ahead.

    When Thor returned to the tower from Asgard carrying one of Loki’s enchanted packs containing the research materials asked for, he expected to find his brother waiting for him, either in his room or the common room; so he was understandably surprised and concerned when he was instead directed to the infirmary by a very stressed-looking Pepper Potts. Even more surprised to learn that it had been Alice who put him there. And so, handing the pack over with a request that it be sent to Loki’s room, the God of Thunder rushed over to the infirmary, both to make sure his brother was alright and to try and get some answers. In the infirmary, Thor’s attention was immediately drawn to a battle-worn God of Mischief, who was arguing with the nurse insisting he remain in bed.

 

    Walking over to intervene, Thor’s voice boomed. “Brother! What is going on here?” He asked.

 

    “What is going on is that this wench is trying my patience,” Loki snapped, glaring at the nurse trying to hold him back.

 

    “I’m _trying_ to keep you from reopening your wounds!” The frazzled nurse cried out.

 

    “What happened?” Thor repeated, placing a tentative hand on Loki’s shoulder, not wanting to hurt him further, “Pepper told me _Alice_ did this.”

 

    “She didn’t mean to,” Loki immediately defended, ceasing his attempts to leave and slumping slightly against the bed, “It was not her fault.”

 

    “I did not say it was,” Thor assured, “I merely wish to find the truth.”

 

    “That makes two of us,” Loki replied with a scoff. Thor raised an eyebrow questioningly and Loki sighed. “Thor, I will gladly tell you all I know, but first I have to go to her. Please,” He added with a slightly pleading expression.

 

    Thor looked at him hesitantly for a moment, then sighed and stepped out of the way, causing the nurse to throw her hands up in frustration and walk away, muttering something about superheroes and not getting paid enough. Loki sent a slight nod of appreciation to his brother then tried to walk forward, stumbling slightly; Thor immediately reached forward and grabbed hold of him, proceeding to hook Loki’s arm over his shoulders to help him, something the younger prince reluctantly accepted.

 

    They reached the outside of a containment room, where Vision was standing guard. “How is she?” Loki asked the android as soon as they were close enough.

 

    “Greatly distressed, but in control of her mind once more,” Vision replied, moving to stand aside to let them pass then stopping. “Perhaps it might be best to return when you are healed; it might upset her further to see you this way,” He suggested.

 

    Loki looked down at himself then used his seidr to hide the bandaged wounds. Vision did not seem very convinced, but stepped aside nonetheless and Loki wasted no time in walking into the room as steadily as he could manage, with Thor following closely.

 

    Inside the room, behind a see-through energy barrier separating the cell from the rest of the room, Alice was restlessly pacing. As soon as they walked in, Alice stopped and looked up at them, her expression changing from worried to angry as her eyes landed on Loki.

 

    “What are you doing down here?!” She snapped.

 

    “Alice, I...” Loki began, before she cut him off.

 

    “Get out!” Alice barked, moving closer to the barrier of the cell.

 

    “Alice, it wasn’t your fault,” Loki tried again, taking a few steps forward.

 

    “GET OUT!!” Alice screamed, rushing at the barrier and slamming her open palms against it.

 

    The barrier hissed and sparked in protest against the assault and Loki paused immediately, staring back at Alice in shock. He opened his mouth to try to reason with her, but words seemed to fail him, so instead he stepped back somewhat shakily and looked down; after a moment, he clenched his fists and looked back up at her with a steely expression. “No.” He said firmly.

 

    Alice, whose hands were still against the barrier unheeding of how it was burning her skin, looked surprised for a moment, then her anger returned and she glared at Loki, who looked back at her unflinchingly. The silence stretched on, neither party seeming willing to make any further moves, and Thor shifted uncomfortably, looking between his brother and his friend in concern.

 

    Finally, it was Alice who spoke first, though her words did nothing to ease the tension. “Show me,” She bit out.

 

    Loki hesitated for a long while, but eventually gave in and dispelled his illusion. As the bruises and wrapped wounds came into view, Alice took several steps backwards and the anger drained from her face to be replaced by a look of such guilt and desolation, it took all of Loki’s resolve not to let show just how much it broke his heart to see it.

 

    “Loki... I’m so s-sorry,” She said with a small and broken voice, taking a few more shaky steps back.

 

    In what seemed like an instant, Loki crossed the distance of the room and entered the cell, ignoring his injuries and wrapping a trembling Alice tightly in his arms. “Hush, little creature; there’s nothing to forgive,” He murmured into her ear.

 

    Alice’s arms twitched as she let herself be held, as though she wanted to hug him back but was afraid to lest she hurt him any worse. Thor eyed them sadly for a moment, then, deciding there would likely be no further danger, left the room and walked up to Vision, who had barely moved from his place by the door.

 

    “What exactly happened while I was gone?” He asked.

 

    “I’m not entirely sure, but it has to do with the package Alice received this afternoon,” The android replied, earning a questioning look, “There’s security footage from her room.”

 

    “Show me,” Thor requested.

 

    Vision nodded then they made their way to the meeting room, and hopefully to answers.

 

****

 

    In the meeting room, Thor and Vision found most of the Avengers, plus Pepper, already gathered, having been called there practically as soon as they had set foot into the building.

 

    “Oh, good; just in time for the show,” Tony quipped as he spotted the two entering, but the humour in his voice seemed forced and his countenance and posture was as tensed as everyone else’s.

 

    On the screen in front of the table was a paused image of Alice’s room, within which Loki was bending over to pick a book up off the floor. Tony played the video and they watched as Loki picked up the book and straightened up to examine it, turning it slowly in his hands. After a minute, he appeared to have noticed something behind him and turned around; moments later Alice walked into the room with a wide smile that vanished completely and she stopped short as soon as she saw the book. Her mouth moved as she spoke and Tony told FRIDAY to back up a bit and unmute the feed.

 

    “What the fuck is _that_ doing here?” Alice asked sharply.

 

    “It was sent to you by mail,” Loki replied, eyeing her with concern as his suspicions to the book’s origins was confirmed, then stepped aside to show her the dress and frock, “Along with...”

 

    The reaction as Alice’s eyes fell on the clothes was instantaneous; her whole body went rigid and her eyes glossed over for a moment, then she blinked and looked to Loki with a cold gaze the likes of which he had never seen directed at him. Her hands went to the daggers at her hips and she lunged towards him, slashing the weapons at him with a viciousness that left no doubt as to her intentions.

 

    “Alice!” Loki cried out, dodging her attacks. She seemed not to hear him, so he got around her and grabbed one of her arms, twisting it behind her to try and restrain her. “Alice, stop!” He called to her louder than before.

 

    Instead of stopping, Alice snarled and twisted around carelessly, forcing Loki to release her or risk breaking her arm. She swung around at him again, this time succeeding in her attack, catching Loki’s shoulder dangerously close to his neck. He hissed in pain and dodged the following slash more successfully; he tried grabbing her again and managed to catch both her wrists, then he pushed her back, trapping her against the wall.

 

    “Alice, snap out of it!” Loki yelled at her.

 

    “My name is Alessa,” Alice snapped back in a steely tone.

 

    The shock of that was enough to cause Loki’s grip to slacken only slightly, but it was enough for Alice to free her wrists and plunge her daggers into both sides of his ribs, pushing him back. She wasted no time in pulling her blades back and moving in for the attack again.

 

    The ‘battle’ that continued on was decidedly one-sided, as Loki was obviously unwilling to defend himself in any way that would harm Alice; instead he dodged her fury as best he could and accepted the injuries whenever he let her get close to try and calm her down. Finally, Loki allowed a stab that missed his heart by inches and grabbed hold of Alice’s wrist again, gritting his teeth against the pain, and pulled her close, his free hand glowing with his magick.

 

    “Forgive me,” Loki pleaded then shoved his glowing hand in Alice’s face.

 

    A blinding flash filled the room, and when it cleared, Alice was on the floor unconscious. Soon after, Loki fell to his hands and knees next to her, managing to remain awake only long enough to ask FRIDAY to inform someone of the situation, before he collapsed.

 

    For a while, no one spoke, staring at the stilled image in shock; they weren’t quite sure what to make of the event they had just seen. Finally, someone found their voice enough to ask what most were thinking.

 

    “What the _hell_ did we just see?” Steve’s voice was shaky.

 

    “The dress was a trigger,” Natasha said rather quietly after a moment and the rest of them looked at her questioningly, so she elaborated, “That was a trained response; someone, I’m guessing Elise, conditioned her to react to that dress the way she did. It was a command to attack.”

 

    Silence fell around the room again as they processed Natasha’s words, and the obvious implications they carried. After a while, Sam spoke up with what they were all reluctant to acknowledge. “So, how many more of those triggers are there...?”

 

    “And _what_ are they?” Clint finished.

 

    They all shifted uncomfortably, every one of them knowing what they would likely need to do until they found the answer to those questions, but not a single one of them keen on the idea.

 

    “FRIDAY, bring up the containment room,” Tony said after a while, voice sounding a bit thick, “Let’s see how bad the fallout is.”

 

****

 

    Back in the cell, Loki had moved them to the cot in the corner; Alice had stopped shaking, but was now staring blankly at the wall, curled up as she was with her head on Loki’s lap. At some point, tears had been shed, but she didn’t seem to have noticed them as they spilled silently from her eyes. Loki ran his fingers through her hair, fighting within himself to keep his emotions buried; the last thing Alice needed was to see how rattled he was by the whole ordeal. He knew she would blame herself regardless of what he said to the contrary.

 

    After what felt like hours, Alice spoke, her voice still sounding far too small to Loki’s ears. “What do we do?” She asked.

 

    “Whatever we must,” Loki replied softly.

 

    “You’re not safe with me,” Alice whispered pitifully and Loki winced at the sound.

 

    “Silly creature; if I wanted ‘safe’, I never would have left home,” Loki replied.

 

    “I’m sorry. This isn’t how it’s supposed to work; you’re not supposed to endanger the people you love,” Alice said as she curled into herself tighter, “You shouldn’t be here.”

 

    “Stop,” Loki said firmly, trying to keep his voice steady. He grasped her shoulders and pulled her up into a sitting position and held her gaze with a stern one of his own. “Listen to me well, Alice, because I do not like to repeat myself,” He began firmly, “This, _none_ of it, is your fault; and I am _not_ going anywhere. I told you once that you would not deal with this alone, and I meant it. I love you. It took me a shameful amount of time to admit it, but I love you, and I am not letting you go.”

 

    “I don’t want to kill you,” Alice practically whimpered.

 

    “You will not; I won’t let you,” Loki assured. She seemed unconvinced, reaching a tentative hand to his face to lightly trace her fingertips across a small cut on his cheek. Loki closed his fingers around her hand and turned his head to press a lingering kiss on her palm. “I was trying not to hurt you. I will not make that mistake again; I would rather see you injured than broken,” He said softly.

 

    After that, no more words were spoken, even as Natasha came to inform them that the dress had been dealt with and it was safe (all things considered) for Alice to leave the cell. Instead of heading back to her room though, Loki brought her to his, despite her protests that he go back to the infirmary, and pulled her into his bed. Realising she wasn’t going to win, Alice surrendered to her need to be as close to him as possible, and they fell asleep in each other’s arms.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki voices a possible solution to unravelling one of Alice's mysteries, but it does not come without risk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good gods, I was stuck on this chapter for the longest time! So sorry about the wait. I think I'd have gone completely insane if I hadn't had other stories keeping me busy. >_>

    The following days of Loki’s recovery were spent in the comforting seclusion of his bedroom with Alice, who basically refused to leave his side for more than a few minutes (and even that only when absolutely necessary) at a time; which was a relief for the rest of the team, since it meant nobody had to tell her about the temporary house-arrest. Thor insisted Loki remain in bed, but Alice was more lenient when they were alone as long as he didn’t move around too much, which was fine by him considering how sore he was. He had tried to make light of things by joking about how she wore him out, but after a very pitiful attempt at a smile followed by an uncomfortable silence he chose to let the matter drop until the wounds (both actual and metaphorical) were less fresh. He knew they would have to speak of what happened, but it was not time yet. Instead he chose to entertain Alice with stories and recollections, showing her spells both new and old, reading aloud to her, and discussing his research on various subjects; anything to chase away the haunted look that had filled her face when she’d seen the results of her attack on him.

 

    He never wanted to see that look on her again.

 

    By the end of the week Loki was mostly healed, only the wound close to his heart still pained him at times, but otherwise he was about as good as new; a fact that he went out of his way to make sure Alice both knew and accepted. As they lay sprawled comfortably on a mess of furs spread out on the floor, bodies pointed in the opposite direction with their heads next to each other, Alice’s fingers lazily combing through Loki’s hair as it fanned out around his head in a messy halo, Loki expertly manoeuvred his fingers in the air to control and transform a projection he’d cast above them into various shapes and forms that drew smiles and giggles from Alice.

 

    “I so wish I could do that,” Alice said with a wide smile, reaching her free hand up to graze the illusion causing it to waver slightly.

 

    Loki hummed lightly. “But that would take away one of the few things I have over you,” He said.

 

    “True...” Alice replied slowly.

 

    After a moment of silence, Loki dispelled the illusion and turn to his side facing her. “Alice; we need to discuss last week,” He said.

 

    Alice tensed and swallowed slightly, still staring at the ceiling. “Do we?” She asked in a tight voice.

 

    “We do,” Loki replied, sitting up and staring down at her.

 

    “I would really rather not,” Alice said, keeping her eyes on the ceiling resolutely.

 

    “Alice,” Loki scolded lightly, but she merely looked at the wall away from him. He rolled his eyes and sighed in annoyance, reaching out and grabbing her chin and turning her face towards him; she stubbornly kept her eyes on the ceiling over his shoulder. _“Alessa,”_ Loki called sharply, losing his patience.

 

    At that, Alice shoved his hand away and sat up, looking at him as though he’d just slapped her. “What the _fuck_ did you just call me?” She snapped.

 

    “So you haven’t lost the power of speech after all; I was beginning to worry,” Loki snapped back, “I only called you by your name; the very one you informed me of before you plunged your daggers in between my ribs.”

 

    All the fire went out of Alice’s eyes at those words and she looked very much like she might cry, taking the wind out of Loki’s sails; he’d only ever seen her cry once before, and it had been one time too many. Still, he knew if he let her have her way she would avoid the subject and let it fester until it completely ate her up inside; in that regard, they were very much the same. And so he said nothing to ease the blow or take it back, as hard as it was.

 

    Eventually Alice looked down, nibbling on her bottom lip. “Where do we start?” She asked.

 

    After further prompting Alice confirmed Natasha’s explanation that her reaction to the dress was indeed a trigger, trained into her by Elise using methods that made Loki pale and wonder just how Alice had survived them at all. The order was a simple one: Kill. It didn’t matter who, or how, as long as lives were taken.

 

    “What was the point?” Loki asked when he found his voice again.

 

    “To see if it would work,” Alice replied with a half-hearted shrug, “And how well.”

 

    “There are others, then,” Loki reasoned and Alice nodded, “Do you know what they are?”

 

    Alice shook her head. “The only ones who knew that were mother, and probably whoever gave her her orders; I don’t remember them anymore,” She replied.

 

    “I can’t decide if that is unfortunate or not,” Loki muttered.

 

    “I’m gonna go with the former; I hate not knowing,” Alice said with a slight pout, “Besides, can’t be much worse than what I _do_ remember.”

 

    “That’s part of the problem,” Loki said. He took one of Alice’s hands in his own, curling his fingers around hers, and stared down in thought. After a while, he looked back up at her and locked their gazes with serious intent. “I have a suggestion, but it will not be pleasant for either of us,” He said.

 

    “Tell me,” Alice prompted, shuffling closer to him.

 

    “Last week when I stopped you, I did so by entering your mind,” Loki explained, reaching up with his free hand and lightly tapping a finger against her temple, “It was just a touch; an attempt to shake you awake, as it were. Much like when Marlene was taken, though that was less invasive. I could do it again, only this time delve deeper; instead of pulling you out, I could take you past the blocks and into the memories hiding behind them.”

 

    “But to do that, you’d have to see,” Alice reasoned softly, looking down at their entwined hands.

 

    “I would, yes,” Loki confirmed, following her gaze. After a moment he took her chin in his hand and turned her face up to his. “I know you don’t want me to see, and believe me I understand all too well, but I can’t think of another way to get the answers we need without risking everyone’s safety,” He said.

 

    Alice sighed, wrapping her hand around his wrist. “You’re right; it’s the safest way,” She said, “I just... I don’t... I don’t want to look. I wanna know, but I don’t wanna look.”

 

    Loki pulled her onto his lap, wrapping her in his arms snugly and resting his chin on the top of her head. “I know, elskede; I don’t want you to either, but it is necessary,” He murmured, “And I will be with you every step of the way.”

 

    Alice wrapped her arms around Loki’s waist tightly. “There’d better be cake afterwards,” She murmured.

 

    Loki chuckled lightly. “Yes, Alice; there will be cake,” He replied placatingly.

 

    “Good. Now what do we do?” Alice asked, pulling back enough to look him in the eyes.

 

    “Now we find someone to supervise; and intervene if need be,” Loki replied, “Make no mistake; this is a highly dangerous thing to do. Your mind has been severely tampered with over the years and has been left fragile.”

 

    “So, enough wrong steps...” Alice began.

 

    “And we would lose you,” Loki finished. He cupped her face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers. “I can’t bear that. I will not,” He said softly.

 

    “Then I guess we’re gonna have to be careful,” Alice whispered back, tilting her head and kissing his lips softly.

 

    When they pulled back Loki looked at her seriously. “There is... one more thing...” He said with no small amount of hesitation.

 

    “What?” Alice asked in concern.

 

    “I would be projecting my consciousness into your mind; that kind of act has a price,” Loki explained, earning a questioning look, “When I return to myself, I would leave traces of me behind in you; thoughts, memories, and the like. Things no-one else knows.”

 

    “Seems only fair, considering,” Alice said, not quite understanding his worry.

 

    “I won’t argue the fairness of knowledge, but you wouldn’t just know my life; you would experience it as I did, feel it as I have felt,” Loki replied, “I would very much prefer to avoid adding to your tortures.”

 

    “Pretty sure I can take it,” Alice said somewhat defensively.

 

    “I do not doubt that you can, my volatile creature; I only meant that I wish it were not necessary,” Loki replied with a sigh.

 

    “Necessity is subjective, love of mine,” Alice said, wrapping her arms loosely around his shoulders with a slight smile.

 

    “That it is,” Loki agreed heavily.

 

    They stood and Loki asked FRIDAY to call Thor and Vision to the room at the earliest convenience; then he sat with Alice at a table in a corner, where a Hnefatafl boardgame was set up, and proceeded to try teaching her to how play it as they waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'elskede' = 'beloved one'.
> 
> 'Hnefatafl' is an early Scandinavian board game. Here's some info: [Hnefatafl](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tafl_games#Hnefatafl)
> 
> I'm not entirely sure how much of Alice's past I'll be getting directly into on the next chapter, but I think it's safe to say it will not be for the faint of heart.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki gets first-hand knowledge of part of Alice's childhood, and partially wishes he hadn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good gods; this has taken forever! I truly apologise, I had just the worst block. Not sure how happy I am with this chapter, but at least it's something.

    Loki had informed Vision and Thor what was expected of them when they had arrived and, after a minor argument in which Thor tried to dissuade them from their plan citing the dangers of it, everything was set up. Loki opened a mental link between them and he and Alice lay down side by side on his bed, hooked up to a machine that would monitor their vitals just in case. Some manipulation of his seidr later and they fell into a deep sleep as Loki transferred his consciousness to Alice’s mind.

 

    They stood in a hallway full of doors stretching as far as the eye could see, with corridors leading to either side every few feet. Alice looked around curiously and approached one of the doors. She placed a hand on it, noting how solid it felt, then turned to Loki.

 

    “Okay; what’s with the doors?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

    “You tell me; this is _your_ mind,” Loki replied, walking over to her.

 

    “Is it? I’m pretty sure I don’t have doors in my head,” Alice said sceptically.

 

    “Perhaps it was not your doing,” Loki reasoned, “We have no way of knowing how deep Elise’s interference goes without the memories you’ve no access to.”

 

    Alice mulled over his words. “Makes sense,” She decided, “So how do we do this? Just start opening random doors?”

 

    “I don’t see that we have much choice; it is not as though we have a map,” Loki replied with a shrug.

 

    “Well, then; let’s go,” Alice said, then opened the door before her and walked in, Loki close behind her.

 

***

 

_A girl of about eight years lay strapped down to a metal table screaming and writhing in agony as the machine she was hooked up to by various electrodes sent strong currents of electricity through her. Standing by the machine’s controls stood Elise, her face utterly emotionless as she watched Alice scream herself hoarse. After a while she turned the machine off and Alice slumped, panting._

_Elise walked over to the table and looked down at Alice. “I’m disappointed, Alessa,” She said._

 

***

 

    Loki quickly walked back out to the hallway with Alice close behind, his face pale as he stared intently at the floor. Alice put a hand on his arm and he flinched and looked up at her with a start, his eyes wide open.

 

    “Hey; it’s okay. It’s just a memory,” Alice said worriedly. Loki stared at her for a moment then pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly, burying his face in her hair. Alice hugged him back, running a hand through his hair. “It’s just a memory. I’m fine,” She murmured.

 

    After a long while he released her. “I’m sorry; I... It seems I did not quite... prepare myself enough,” He said.

 

    “I get it. It’s one thing to know _something_ happened; it’s quite another to see _what,”_ Alice said with a sympathetic smile.

 

    “I have witnessed people tortured before, even participated on some occasions...” Loki began walking towards another door, “Not as easy to dissociate when it concerns someone you love.”

 

    “It’s really not,” Alice agreed, following him. She placed her hand on the doorknob and looked up at him. “Shall we?” She asked.

 

    Loki took a deep breath then nodded. Alice opened the door and they walked in.

 

***

 

_“Again,” Elise’s strict voice snapped._

_A barely teenaged Alice stood up on shaking, bruised legs and picked up the long knife she had dropped in her trembling hands. She looked up at her mother’s stern gaze then rushed at her again as best she could, only to be knocked back down with a cry of pain as her attack was dodged and countered by a sharp blow to her back from a long, hazel switch._

_“Again,” Elise repeated._

_Alice tried to stand again, but failed. She tried again with the same results. And again. And again. “I can’t,” She finally said, after several more tries._

_Elise sighed then walked over to Alice, kneeling in front of her. She ran her fingers through Alice’s hair in a soothing sort of way, then grabbed her chin and lifted her face up to lock their gazes._

_“Weakness cannot be tolerated...” She said forebodingly, her eyes cold._

_Alice let out a whimper. “Weakness cannot be tolerated,” She whispered back._

_Elise grabbed Alice’s arm and roughly yanked her up and dragged her out of the room and down a hall. She opened a door and threw Alice into a small room, slamming the door closed and locking it behind her. The room was pitch black, the floor hard and cold. Alice dragged herself over to a corner and curled up as best she could with her injuries, mentally preparing herself for long hours of solitude that would soon come to feel like eternity._

 

***

 

    They walked back into the hallway a bit more calmly than before, though it was obvious that Loki was at best highly uneasy about what he had just seen. The moment utter darkness had fallen on the room Alice had been locked in he knew what would happen; and he now had a better understanding of why she liked rooftops so much.

 

    Alice nudged him slightly with her shoulder and he quietly slipped his hand into hers and squeezed it, more to reassure himself than her. He focused on why they were here. This wasn’t meant to be easy; it was necessary.

 

    The next door they walked through contained one of Loki’s own memories. It was the battle in Jötunheim the day of Thor’s coronation; more specifically the moment a frost giant had grabbed his arm, thus revealing his true heritage. Loki all but dragged Alice back out to the hallway, not wanting her to linger too long around the storm of emotions he’d felt at that moment. He was thankful that it hadn’t been the moment when Odin had told him the specifics, though; rage was not a feeling Alice handled very well, after all.

 

    They tried other doors, finding battles from both before and after Loki had joined the Avengers, as well as a few memories of Loki’s childhood from his training alongside Thor and his seidr-wielding lessons with his mother. The latter they lingered a bit on; Loki taking a moment to remember happier days that he didn’t think about much anymore in the hectic day-to-day, as well as letting Alice share in the tranquillity and warmth he always felt around his mother. Other doors made him miss that peace as he witnessed the brutal beatings Alice endured from as young as five years old. There were ones in which she was forced to endure extreme temperatures, from freezing cold to swelteringly hot (which he had to walk out of almost immediately), as well as more electrocutions. The older Alice got, the worse it became, but also the longer she lasted.

 

    As for the present Alice herself; she seemed to be less concerned with the memories and more with Loki’s reactions to them. Every time they walked back out to the hallway she scrutinised him completely, using what she’d learned of emotions and physical cues to try and gauge how much he’d been affected by what they’d just seen. She didn’t have much of a reaction to her own memories, her lifelong training not to care simply wouldn’t let her; it was only when she dreamt them that she was able to move past that block, which was more of a curse than a blessing.

 

    They passed more of Loki’s memories as well, both good and bad; some of which he himself didn’t remember were there, so far into his subconscious were they. From old pranks gone a bit (or a lot) wrong, to days when he and his brother fought over nothing only to make up not five minutes afterwards, to the time he’d gotten his lips sewn shut (Alice was going to have some _words_ with Thor about _that_ one); Alice learned much about him, some of which he rather wished she hadn’t.

 

    They also found that memory Alice had mentioned of Elise cutting her fingers off and sewing them back on, and it was as bad as he thought it would be. More so by how utterly indifferent sixteen-year-old Alice had been to it all. When Elise actually praised her for it, Loki felt sick; if Alice hadn’t killed the woman herself, he certainly would’ve.

 

    Finally, they reached a door that was different from the others; the wood was warped and seemed to be rotting, and the handle was rusted. After a moment of deliberation Alice reached out and tried to open it, to find that she couldn’t.

 

    “It’s locked,” She said, looking at Loki over her shoulder.

 

    “Perhaps we’ve found what we search for,” Loki mused.

 

    “Should we try to force it?” She asked.

 

    “That would be a terrible idea,” Loki warned and placed a hand on the wood, “Better to try and convince it to open instead.”

 

    “And how are we meant to do that?” Alice asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

    Loki dropped his hand back to his side. “I haven’t the faintest idea,” He replied.


End file.
